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Thursday, April 9

Italian Viral Humor

THE ITALIAN SENSE OF HUMOR ....

 "Maybe it is true that we Italians are in a difficult situation.
But tell me where you will find another such country:

in which aprons for doctors are sewn by ARMANI

FERRARI is manufacturing respirators

GUCCI is making face masks

And sanitizing gel is made by BULGARI ??? 

We may end up in hell, but in style! " 

😜😂🍌💅

Monday, April 6

Chatting with Housemates during Lockdown

🤣🤣🤣Loved this silly one for a change..

Hi guys! Just be careful because people are going crazy from being in lock down!  

Actually I've just been talking about this with the microwave and toaster while drinking coffee and all of us agreed that things are getting bad. 

I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on everything, and certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold and distant.  

In the end though, the iron calmed me down as she said everything will be fine, no situation is too pressing.  The hoover was very unsympathetic...  told me to just suck it up, but the fan was more optimistic and hoped it would all soon blow over!  

The toilet looked a bit flushed when I asked its opinion, and didn't say anything but the door knob told me to get a grip.😬  The front door said I was unhinged and so the curtains told me to... Yes, you guessed it ... pull myself together. 🤣🤣🤣🤪

Friday, April 3

Men's Scotch at Bar

From "Standing near the bar with Scotch in our hand" 
To 
"Standing near Vim bar with a Scotch Brite in our hand"

Men have come a long way  ..
..The great lockdown

Wednesday, April 1

Lockdown Advice for Mating Partners

My brother stick to your 2 rounds with ur wife or partner during this lockdown. If you start going 6 she might want to know who's been getting the extra 4 all this while. 
May wisdom with you - Mugabe

Monday, March 30

Sanitisation

When my partner came back home, I made him bath with Dettol and vinegar, gargle with sanitised mouth wash and splash Cologne. 
Is that enough or shall I boil him? 

#corona #lockdown

Sunday, March 29

Tuesday, March 24

Your Horoscope THIS Week

For once you won't have to match your star signs.

Saturday, March 14

Corona Baby Boomers

Eventually, everyone will be quarantined to their houses with no sports to watch.. and in 9months......

Monday, March 9

Exposure

A drunk naked woman boards a cab.

Driver of the cab keeps staring at her and does not start the cab.

Woman: Haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?

Driver: Cool down, ma'am. I am not staring at you. I am just wondering as to where you have kept the money to pay me?

Moral : This is what most of the Banks failed to do...... Assessing the repayment capacity before enjoying the exposure!!

😂🤣😂🤣

Friday, March 6

Face Mask causes Death

One more death but not because of Coronavirus.
He reached home with wrong mask! :-)

Thursday, March 5

Jackie Chan on Cough

Deep meaning worda by Jackie Chan, "earlier we used to cough to hide our fart, now we fart to cover our cough'

Not quite some #TravelAdvisory

**Alert levels - updated ** 

Not quite #TravelAdvice... ;-) 

***UK Virus ALERT***
 
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to the recent virus threat and have therefore raised their threat level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, the level may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." 
 
The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. 
 
The virus has been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
 
The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's Get the Bastard." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
 
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
 
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides." 
 
The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose." 
 
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
 
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
 
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its alert level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

(Originally received on WhatsApp)

Flight from China

Flight coming from China!

Sunday, March 1

Divine Right

Judy entered the church.
"You can't come in here dressed like that!" exclaimed the priest.
She said, "But I have divine right!"
He said, "you have divine left too! But you can't come in that dress"

Tuesday, February 25

Friday, February 21

Young Biker's Dilemma ;-)

To grow up or to be a biker!

Wisdom of Exotic Movies' Dress-code

When exotic movie stars take off their clothes they are are actually getting dressed for work!

Wisdom will kill me someday.

Wednesday, February 19

Definition of Laziness

Definition of Laziness: 
It's the art of taking rest before you get tired. because....

Tuesday, February 18

A Translation Guide to Asset Manager-speak

We are not in crowded positions - we missed all the best-performing stocks.

We are not correlated - 

Monday, February 17

What is GF?

Classroom Answers ...

First Bencher: Gravitational Force

Middle Bencher: Girlfriend

Back Bencher: GoldFlake

Robert Mugabe on Alcohol

"If you can't dance when drunk,
At least speak English or promise people jobs.
Don't waste alcohol"

No Time To Die

Bond cancels Beijing tour because....

Wednesday, February 12

Millenials Classroom

Silly but way To make today's mobile generation pay attention. :-)

Tuesday, January 28

Fired for Cup Size!!

Why I was fired!?
Well, for the company picnic, management decided that, due to liability issues,
we could have alcohol but only One drink per person.
I was fired for the CUPS-size ordered!

Monday, January 20

3 F Rules for Life

3 Rules of Life
1. F*ck. 
2. Don't give a f*ck. 
3. Don't get f*cked over.
 

Bumper Sticker - Brake Warning

Beware! This car brakes at every liquor storr.!

Tonite's Wedding Dinner

Pussy! WTF!

Lesson from Thai cave rescue

(on a lighter but naughty note)

Grocery Shopping Flash Reminder

Thank you young flasher for reminding to buy baby carrots .. hahaha

Sunday, January 19

Goldfish

Caught a gold fish today.
But some haters will say it's mango seed.

Saturday, January 18

No Warning Shot!

Due to price increase on ammo,

Do not expect a Warning Shot!

Thank you for understanding,

 

Wednesday, January 15

The Fourth Ape

Finally the fourth ape!
He is the sum of the first three apes.
He sees nobody, hears nobody and speaks to nobody!

Being a RCB fan

Wednesday, January 8

Bimbo

Moms can come back with sexist remarks, too.

 

Tuesday, January 7

2 pieces of 'Married' Advice

Never laugh at your wife's choice 

Wife's prayer

Dear God, don't let my husband be home when my online shopping orders are delivered.

WowBooty Counter

Hidden customer

Trojan vs. Huggies

Compare and save between Trojan and Huggies