30 Things to say when Stressed at Work

1. “Well this day was a total waste of make-up”

2. “This isn’t an office. It’s HELL with fluorescent lighting”

3. “Okay, okay! I take it back. Unf@ck you!!!”

4. “You say I’m a b!tch like it’s a bad thing?!” (Priceless)

5. “A hard-on doesn’t count as personal growth.”

6. “Well aren’t we a bloody ray of sunshine?”

7. “Don’t bother me; I’m living happily ever after.”

8. “Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble plastic is cheap. You choose”

9. “Do I look like a f@cking people person!”

10. “I’m not crazy. I’ve been in a very bad mood for 30 years.”

11. “Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.”

12. “Do they ever shut up on your planet?”

13. “I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable”

14. “Stress is when you wake up screaming and realize you haven’t gone to sleep yet”

15. “Back off!! You’re standing in my aura.”

16. “Don’t worry. I forgot your name too.”

17. “I work 45 hours a week to be this poor.”

18. “Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.”

19. “Wait…I’m trying to imagine you with a personality”

20. “Chaos, panic and disorder … my work here is done.”

21. “Ambivalent? Well yes and no.”

22. “You look like sh!t. Is that the style now?”

23. “Earth is full. Go home.”

24. “Aw, did I step on your poor, little bitty ego?”

25. “I’m not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.”

26. “Practice random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control”

27. “You are depriving some village of an idiot.”

28. “If a$$holes could fly, this place would be a freaking airport.”

29. “You realize speaking to me before I’ve had my morning coffee is a VERY bad idea!”

30. “I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left”

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