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Halloween and Political Quips
(With a little help from some late night talk show hosts...)
Charles came to school Monday morning with a big bump on his head. When asked about it, he said he'd learned a valuable lesson on Halloween. Fearing something bad, they asked him to elaborate. He replied, "You just can't be a ghost in a contour sheet!"
Many people dressed up as Sarah Palin on Halloween, but none of them were very convincing because their costumes didn't cost $150,000.
One boy dressed up as Obama and went door to door pledging, "I promise to tax all of you back to the stone age!" Not to be outdone, his brother dressed up as McCain and went door to door pledging, "I promise not 100, but 200 more years of war!"
Mickey Mouse is always a popular costume for kids. This year, the companion costume was that of an an ACORN member following Mickey around and trying to sign him up to vote.
A third party candidate decided to combine his pledge to take the country in a new direction with a fundraising pitch by saying, "I am the real candidate of change. Speaking of which, can anyone spare any?"
Obama aired a half hour program which he said was a campaign pitch, but in reality, it was just an infomercial. Obama accidentally let the cat out of the bag when he said, "You can make this a better country for just three easy payments of $19.95."
Some insiders of the McCain campaign are secretly complaining that Sarah Palin has gone rogue, that she's not listening to their advice, not taking their notes and that she's going off on her own and saying whatever she wants. When asked what they like best about her, they say, "She's a maverick!"
In attempting to connect to ordinary voters, John McCain is promoting ordinary Americans. At one rally, he brought on stage Craig the Fireman, Chris the Carpenter, Maurice the Hard Hat, Frances the Police Officer, and Harry, a Native American. They then broke into "Y.M.C.A."
At a recent campaign stop, Sarah Palin said she is putting the election in God's hands. This made Obama Supporters jump with joy because they believe Obama is God.
For months, the two major parties have been wrangling with one another and trying to best each other in the polls, particularly in the battleground states. This isn't hard to understand. It's because both parties are gunning for the privilege of putting their own candidate in the White House in order to exclusively win the chance to blow everything all over again!
Submitted by The Democrat (23), Republic
Stat on Iraq vs. DC (political humor?)
If you consider that there have been an average of 160,000 troops in the Iraq theater of operations during the last 22 months, and a total of 2112 deaths, that gives a firearm death rate of 60 per 100,000.
The rate in Washington D.C. is 80.6 per 100,000. That means that you are about 25% more likely to be shot and killed in our Nation's Capitol, which has some of the strictest gun control laws in the nation, than you are in Iraq.
Conclusion: We should immediately pull out of Washington D.C.!!
Submitted by Thelly Reahm (),
Democrat Studs!
Q: What do Democrats and porn studs have in common?
A: Both participate frequently in bush bashing!
Submitted by Mike (), AOL USA
Republican and Democrat
REPUBLICAN VIRUS:
Sells off your system resources to the highest bidder.
DEMOCRAT VIRUS:
Doesn't allow you to delete inefficient programs or wasted disc space - if you try, it accuses you of being a 'mean-spirited extremist'.
Submitted by Susan Enrique (19),
Quotations from Politicians
'When you're talking to me, keep your mouth shut.'
'Let's do this in one foul swoop.'
'I want to thank each and every one of you for having extinguished yourselves in this session.'
'We'll run it up the flagpole and see who salutes that booger.'
'I would like to take this time to reirritate my remarks.'
'The average age of a 7 year old in this state is 13.'
'I hate to confuse myself with the facts.'
'We have a permanent plan for the time being.'
'Family planning has many misconceptions.'
'My knowledge is no match for his ignorance.'
Submitted by Dvenky (),
America's Dysfunctional Presidential Past
WASHINGTON (Wireless Flash) -- Here's one reason to celebrate this President's Day (Feb. 21): Chances are, you're not nearly as dysfunctional as some of America's presidents.
Family counselor Beverly Hubble Tauke says Americans may be surprised to learn that some of the country's remarkable presidents had their share of grim family pain.
Tauke says Ronald Reagan's father was an alcoholic, while Bill Clinton never knew his father and was later traumatized by an alcoholic, wife-battering stepfather.
Abraham Lincoln is her favorite because his father was an impoverished illiterate who used to beat Abe for being ambitious and trying to learn to read, but "The Great Emancipator" still managed to prevail.
Despite the suffering, Tauke says these future presidents were able to succeed because they all had staunch allies on their side -- usually their mother or stepmother -- and they didn't allow themselves to think they were victims.
Submitted by Georgie (23),
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