Bill and Hugh Grant|
Bill Gates meets Hugh Grant at a Hollywood party. They are talking and Bill says: 'I've seen some great pictures of Divine Brown lately, I sure would like to get together with her!'
Hugh replies: 'Well Bill, you know ever since our incident, her price has skyrocketed, she's charging a small fortune.'
Bill (with a chuckle): 'Hugh, money's no object to me. What's her number.' So, Hugh gives Bill her number and Bill sets up a date.
They meet & after they finish, Bill is lying there in ecstasy, mumbling 'God...now I know why you chose the name Divine.'
To which she replies: 'Thank you, Bill.....and now I know how you chose the name .....
Submitted by Samantha (22), Colorado
Which Search Engine does Arnold Schwarzenegger use?
Alta Vista baby.
Buckwheat of the Little Rascals fame grew up, became a Muslim, and changed his name.
He now goes by Kareem of Wheat.
How did Captain Hook die?
He wiped his bum with the wrong hand!!
Q: What happened when Snoopy found out his girl cheated on him?
A: He bitch-slapped her.
Submitted by Austin Walcott 'Leo' (19),
What do Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog have in common?
Their middle name.
Why did Beethoven kill his chicken?
It kept saying "Bach, Bach, Bach..."
Submitted by Karan McDougal (28),
What did Bruce Willis find on the top of Mt. Everest?
Icey dead people.
Submitted by Diya Wright (),
What happened when Batman and Robin got run over by a steam roller?
They became Flatman and Ribbon!
Q: How do you know that Calista Flockhart (Ally McBeal) doesn't exist?
A: Because the camera adds 10 pounds!
Q: What do Barbie and Britney Spears have in common?
A: Both are blonde, brainless and made out of plastic.
Submitted by Kimberley Stanfield (21),
Sweet Aroma of..
There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines.
After many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.
The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'"
The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play, he's practicing his line over and over again. Finally, the time came. The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and with great passion delivered the line, "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress."
The theatre erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter but the director was steaming!
"You bloody fool!" he cried, "You have ruined me!"
The actor was bewildered, "What happened, did I forget my line?"
"No!" screamed the director. "You forgot the rose!"
Submitted by Dustin Douglas (24),
A man walks into a store to buy a Barbie doll for his daughter. 'How much is that Barbie in the window?', he asks the shop assistant.
In a manner she responds, 'Which Barbie? We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $395.00. '
The guy asks, 'Why is Divorced Barbie different from all the others ?
'That's obvious,' the assistant states, 'Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture... '
Submitted by Shishir (32), Mumbai, Bombay