Teacher : whoever answers my next question can go home.
* one boy throws his bag out the window *
Teacher : who just threw that?!
Boy : Me! I'm going home now.
Class Jokes Submitted by Samuel Jackson (), Walkway
Kid's dad joined Facebook..
kid's status: "WTF, dad joined Facebook!!..."
Dad asked kid, 'what is WTF?'
Kid replies, 'Welcome To Facebook' :)
Kids Jokes Submitted by 1Fukkad (), Twitter
Babies & 5 Year Old
An old country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby.
It was so far out, there was no electricity.
When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The child did so.
The mother pushed and after a little while, the doctor lifted the newborn baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath. The doctor then asked the 5-year-old what he thought of the new baby.
"He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place. Spank him again," the 5-year-old said.
College Jokes Submitted by Anita Brown (25), A-Team
Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers.
The first boy says, "My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, and they give him 50 dollars."
The second boy says, "That's nothing. My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, and they give him 100 dollars."
The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!"
Submitted by Brad Manners (), Kensington, England
Billy was at school this morning and the teacher asked all the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came out, fireman, policeman, salesman, chippy, captain of industry etc, but Billy was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father.
"My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes if the offer is really good, he'll go out with a man, rent a cheap hotel room and let them sleep with him."
The teacher quickly set the other children some work and took little Billy aside to ask him if that was really true.
"No" said Billy, "He plays cricket for England but I was just too embarrassed to say."
Submitted by HotnSpicy (22), Great Britain
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.
"I pray for a new bicycle!"
"I pray for a new Nintendo!"
"I pray for a new VCR!"
His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."
To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"
Submitted by Hanukkah Kwanza (14), Ontario
Kids' Funny Questions!
What do Scotsmen eat?
What is heavier, a full moon or a half moon?
The full moon because it's lighter!
What town in England makes terrible sandwiches?
What would you call theft in Peking?
A Chinese takeaway!
What animals are on legal documents?
What did you get for christmas?
A mouthorgan, its the best present I've ever had.
My mum gives me extra pocket money every week not to play it!
Where do tadpoles change?
In a croakroom!
Submitted by Fropki (),
A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, “All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we’re going down the tracks.”
The mother went nuts and told her son, “We don’t use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language.”
Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, “All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon.” She hears the little boy continue, “For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.”
As the mother began to smile, the child added, “For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen.”
Submitted by HotnSpicy (22), Great Britain
The Lost Purse
A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of Christmas shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmmm. That’s funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills."
The boy quickly replied, "That’s right, lady. The last time I found a lady’s purse, she didn’t have any change for a reward."
Submitted by Keeanu (17), Washington D.C.
One day, Little Johnny visited a doctor for a vaccination. After the doctor gave him an injection, he tried to bandage Little Johnny's arm.
"I think you'd better bandage the other arm, doc!", said Little Johnny.
"But, why? I'm supposed to bandage the injected part of your arm to let your friends know not to touch it."
"You really don't know anything about how my friends behave!"
Submitted by Marilyn (), Kansas City
School Teacher in Traffic Court!
In traffic court of a large Midwestern city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer for a ticket she received for driving through a red light.
"I'm sorry, your honor," she commented. "But could we speed this up? You see, I'm a school teacher and I must get to my class on time."
"A school teacher, huh?" the judge said.
He thought for a moment.
"You of course realize the proper course of action I must take," he pointed out.
"What action would that be?" asked the teacher.
"Just this," the judge said. "Sit down at that table and write, ‘I drove through a red light even though I knew it was against the law!' 500 times!"
Submitted by Kiddie 'Motivationalz' (),