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Laughable Lawsuits!
1. Dorothy Johnson sued Kenmore Inc. for the death of her dog.
After washing the poodle, she placed it in her Kenmore microwave, "just a few minutes, on low," to dry it off.
The case was dismissed.
2. A construction worker in Tulsa intentionally cut his hand off with a circular saw.
When he was taken to the emergency room, he told doctors not to reattach the hand, saying that it was possessed.
The man is now suing the doctors for not reattaching his hand, claiming that the doctors should have known he was psychotic.
3. A phone-sex operator in Florida won a settlement after she filed for worker's compensation, saying she had suffered repetitive-motion injuries in both hands.
The repetitive motion was the result of using her hands to give herself as many as seven orgasms a day while talking to clients.
4. 17-year-old Ricky Higgins is suing his high school after he was kicked off the basketball team for driving drunk.
He is suing for $100,000 and would like to be reinstated on the team. His lawyers claim that he is an alcoholic, and that his disability is covered under the Americans with Disabilities Act.
5. A New York small-business owner is suing Air France after crew members broke down the bathroom door and pulled him out in front of other passengers, fully exposing him.
A smoke alarm had gone off on the plane, and they thought he was smoking. He is suing for $12 million.
Submitted by Christy Hemme (), Sommerset, UK
File a Suit (Sue)!
Down south, Bubba called his attorney and asked, "Is it true they's suin' them cigarette companies fer causin' people to git cancer?"
"Yes, Bubba, sure is true," responded the lawyer.
"And now someone is suin' them fast food restaurants fer makin' them fat an' cloggin' their arteries with all them burgers an' fries, is that true, Mista Lawyer?"
"Sure is, Bubba."
"And that lady sued McDonald's for millions when she was gave that hot coffee that she ordered?"
"Yep."
"And that football player sued that university when he gradiated and still couldn't read?"
"That's right," said the lawyer. "But why are you asking?"
"Well, I was thinkin' . . . What I want to know is, kin I sue Budweiser fer all them ugly women I slept with?
Submitted by Miranda (27), Mexico
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