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What We Learn From Movies
- All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
- If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
- All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
- Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while SCUBA diving.
- During all police investigations it is necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
- All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
- The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
- Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
- Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
- If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
- It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
- All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
- When they are alone, all non-native English speakers prefer to speak English to each other.
- When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
- A man can get the smack-down repeatedly and show no pain, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
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