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What We Learn From Movies

  • All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
  • If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
  • All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
  • Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while SCUBA diving.
  • During all police investigations it is necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
  • All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
  • The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
  • Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
  • Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
  • If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
  • It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
  • All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
  • When they are alone, all non-native English speakers prefer to speak English to each other.
  • When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
  • A man can get the smack-down repeatedly and show no pain, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.


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