After being laid off from five different jobs in the past year, Ralph was hired by a warehouse.
Unfortunately, one day he lost control of the forklift and drove it off the loading dock. Surveying the damage, the owner shook his head and said, "I'm sorry, Ralph, but I'm going to have to withhold 10% of each of your paychecks until we have enough to pay back the damage."
"How much will it cost?" Ralph asked.
"About $5,000," the owner replied.
"Finally!" Ralph exclaimed. "Job security!"
Submitted by Jackie (30), Alabama
~NEWFIE FAST ON HIS FEET~
Four men were sitting around a conference room table being interviewed for a job.
The interviewer asked, "What is the fastest thing you know of?" pointing to the man on his right.
The first man replied, "A thought. It pops into your head, there's no forewarning that it's on the way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."
"That's very good," replied the interviewer. "And now you, sir," he asked the second man.
"Hmmm, let me see, a blink!" said the second man. "It comes and goes and you don't know it ever happened. A blink is the fastest thing I know of."
"Excellent!" said the interviewer. "The blink of an eye. That's a very popular cliche for speed."
He then turned to the third man who was contemplating his reply.
"Well, out on my dad's ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there is a light switch. When you flip that switch, way across the pasture the light at the barn comes on in an instant. Turning on a light is the fastest thing I can think of."
The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man.
"It's hard to beat the speed of light." he said. Turning to the fourth man, a Newfoundlander, he posed the same question.
"After hearing the three previous answers, it's obvious to me the fastest thing known is diarrhea," said the Newfie.
"What!" said the interviewer, stunned by the response.
"Oh, I can explain," said the Newfie. "You see, the other day I wasn't feeling so well and ran for the bathroom. But, before I could think, blink, or turn on the light, I shit my pants."
He got the job!
Submitted by Pepsea (44), Near The Beach, Alberta, Canada
Moral from One or Ten Job Interview Questions
Interviewer said "I shall either ask you ten easy questions or one really difficult question. Think well before you make up your mind!"
The job seeker thought for a while and said, "My choice is one really difficult question."
"Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice! Now tell me this.
"What comes first, Day or Night?"
The young man was jolted in to reality as his selection depends on the correctness of his answer, but he thought for a while and said, "It's the DAY sir!"
"How" the interviewer asked,
"Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!"
He was selected !
"Technical Skill is the mastery of complexity, while Creativity is the master of presence of mind"
Submitted by Batman (19), Funny Tickle
Why aren't you like your boss?
When you take a long time, you're slow, but when your boss takes long, he's thorough.
Submitted by Cyber Junky (22), Silicon Valley
A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an
earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a somewhat conservative fellow,
so naturally he's curious about the sudden change in fashion sense.
The man walks up to his co-worker and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."
"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly.
"Well, I'm curious," begged the man, "how long have you been wearing an earring?"
"Er, ever since my wife found it in our bed."
Submitted by Ajay Wankhade (),