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New Employee (Humor)
The manager of a large office approached the new man who had just been hired one day and asked him to come into his office.
"What's your name?" asked the manager when they were in his office.
"John," the new man replied.
"Okay. First rule," the manager said in a stern voice. "Here we don't call anyone by their first names. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority.
I refer to my employees by last name only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. I am to be referred to as Robinson. Are we clear on that?"
"Yes," the new man said.
"Good," said the manager. "What is your last name?"
"Darling," the man replied. "My name is John Darling."
The manager's face went through a series of twisted expressions. He looked down for a moment, then back up. He continued, "Okay, John, listen..."
Submitted by Ha Ha Funnies (),
New Secretary!
Mr. Johnson got himself a new secretary. She was young, sweet, and very polite.
One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open. When leaving the room, she said, 'Mr. Johnson, your barracks door is open.'
He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his secretary.
Calling her in, he asked, 'By the way Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door was open this morning, did you also notice a soldier standing at attention?'
The secretary, who was quite witty replied, 'Why no sir, all I saw was a little disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags.'
Submitted by Kelly Brandy Monaco (),
Free Service!
The boss came early in the morning one day and found his manager screwing his secretary.
He shouted at him, 'Is this what I pay you for?'
The manager replied: 'No, sir, this I do free of charge.'
Submitted by Kalin Cialini Olson (25), Pittsburgh
Equal Pay!
Female Applicant - "Do women get equal pay in this company?"
HRD Manager - "Absolutely! We pay all women the same."
Submitted by Irina Selva (34), J&Johnson Inc.
Sexual Harrassment!
Boss : Who said that just because I tried to kiss you at last month's Christmas part, you could neglect your work?
Secretary : 'My lawyer'
Submitted by Jane Applegate, New Jersey
qUICK wIT
"Would you tell our viewers, sir, how you got to be president of this company?"
"Gladly. I ran into my father at the watercooler one morning. He took a liking to me and put me in charge of the place."
Submitted by Samantha Mathis (26),
John Darling!
The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. 'What is your name?' was the first thing the manager asked the new guy.
'John,' the new guy replied.
The manager scowled, 'Look...I don't know what kind of a mamby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority.
I refer to my employees by their last name only...Smith, Jones, Baker ...that's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?'
The new guy sighed, 'Darling. My name is John Darling.'
'Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is......'
Submitted by Ava Kimberley Stanfield (), California
Boss
Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office.
'Boss,' he says, 'we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.'
'We're short-handed, Smith' the boss replies. 'I can't give you the day off.'
'Thanks, boss,' says Smith 'I knew I could count on you!'
Submitted by Rival (17),
Earring!
A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an
earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a somewhat conservative fellow,
so naturally he's curious about the sudden change in fashion sense.
The man walks up to his co-worker and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."
"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly.
"Well, I'm curious," begged the man, "how long have you been wearing an earring?"
"Er, ever since my wife found it in our bed."
Submitted by Ajay Wankhade (),
Why aren't you like your boss?
When you take a long time, you're slow, but when your boss takes long, he's thorough.
Submitted by Cyber Junky (22), Silicon Valley
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