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Twelve Things You Probably Didn’t Know You Could Do With A Fruitcake
1. Paint a few white and place them outside on the grass so people won’t park on your lawn.
2. Use it as building material. (This is actually what the Ancient Egyptians used to build the Great Pyramids.)
3. Keep one under your pillow for home defense.
4. Send one to the junk mail company with a note asking them to take you off their list.
5. It’s colorful, use it as a Yule Log.
6. Carve the Presidents’ faces in it and submit as a science or art project.
7. Give one to your boss and tell him it’s a life preserver.
8. Use it as a base for flower arrangements.
9. Donate to the local airport for use as airliner wheel blocks.
10. Grind a few up and give it back to your in-laws in a bag marked “lawn fertilizer.”
11. For a community project, sink a few in the ocean and build an artificial reef.
12. Tie one to each foot when you walk through deep snow to keep your feet dry.
Christmas Joke Submitted by NakedGirl (19), Connecticut
Top 10 Signs You Got A Bad Xmas Tree
10. It's two feet tall and 40 feet wide.
9. Salesman's opening line: "You're not a cop, are you?"
8. It looks suspiciously like a broom handle with a lot of coat hangers stuck to it.
7. While you sleep, it gets liquored up and takes the family caravan for a joy ride.
6. Each branch has a "Duraflame" sign printed on it.
5. Keeps heckling while you try to do a lame top 10 list.
4. It's very small and says "Air Freshener" on it.
3. Rabbis have better Christmas trees than yours.
2. Some guy named Mujibur put a cheap Statue of Liberty trinket on top of it.
1. It's constantly bragging about its "trunk size."
Christmas Joke Submitted by Celebcurry (20),
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