Lets touch base with Corporate Lingo
It’s only close to two years that I have been listening to such awesome English and I am already a great fan of it. Not denying the fact that it takes time to get used to such language (I am still struggling with it) but this short and sweet corporate journey of mine have taught me certain very interesting and, as I am fond of calling it, ‘mind-twisting’ terminology. Nothing against anything but I really found it funny and thought nothing better than sharing it with you guys and share the ‘funny-ness’. Here’s a little clarification of corporate lingo.
COMPETITIVE SALARY: We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY: We have no time to train you.
CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE: We don’t pay enough to expect that you’ll dress up-well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.
MUST BE DEADLINE ORIENTED: You’ll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED: Some time each night and some time each weekend.
DUTIES WILL VARY: Anyone in the office can boss you around.
MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL: We have no quality control.
CAREER-MINDED: Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
APPLY IN PERSON: If you’re old, fat or ugly you’ll be told the position has been filled.
NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE: We’ve filled the job, our call for resumes is just a legal formality.
SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE: You’ll need it to replace three people who just left.
PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST: You’re walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
REQUIRES TEAM LEADERSHIP SKILLS: You’ll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS: Management communicates, you, figure out what they want and do.
I’M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION: I’ve used Microsoft Office.
I’M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE: I pilfer office supplies.
MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES: I hope you don’t ask me about all the McJobs I’ve had.
I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK: I blame others for my mistakes.
I’M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL: I carry a Day-Timer.
I AM ADAPTABLE: I’ve changed jobs a lot.
I AM ON THE GO: I’m never at my desk.
hmmph…such is life and such is ‘Corporate Life’…not to forget the endless & aimless meetings.
Anyways…see you some other time…
(PS: The content of this post is not original and the writer of this blog does not wish to take credit of it. The writer is extremely humble and will attribute it to the original creator of this content. Just raise your hands wherever you are and I shall reach out. OK too much humbleness for one single day has happened. Bye!)
This entry was posted on Sunday, February 12th, 2012 at 09:15 and is filed under Office Jokes, Professional Jokes. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.