Memo From Accounting Department

It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in timesheets that specify large amounts of “Miscellaneous Unproductive Time” (Code 5309).
However, we need to know exactly what you are doing during your unproductive time.

Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code list based on our observations of employee activities.
The list will allow you to specify with a fair amount of precision what you are doing during your unproductive time.

Please begin using this job-code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties you encounter.

Thank you,

Accounting

Attached: Extended Job-Code List
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Code  –  Description
****************

  • 5316 – Useless Meeting
  • 5317 – Obstructing Communications at Meeting
  • 5318 – Trying to Sound Knowledgeable While in Meeting
  • 5319 – Waiting for Break
  • 5320 – Waiting for Lunch
  • 5321 – Waiting for End of Day
  • 5322 – Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker
  • 5323 – Vicious Verbal Attacks Directed at Coworker While Coworker is Not Present
  • 5393 – Covering for Incompetence of Coworker Friend
  • 5400 – Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Not Interested in Learning
  • 5401 – Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who is Stupid
  • 5402 – Trying to Explain Concept to Coworker Who Hates You
  • 5481 – Buying Snack
  • 5482 – Eating Snack
  • 5500 – Filling Out Timesheet
  • 5501 – Inventing Timesheet Entries
  • 5502 – Waiting for Something to Happen
  • 5503 – Scratching Yourself
  • 5504 – Sleeping
  • 5510 – Feeling Bored
  • 5511 – Feeling Horny
  • 5600 – Complaining About Lousy Job
  • 5601 – Complaining About Low Pay
  • 5602 – Complaining About Long Hours
  • 5603 – Complaining About Coworker (See Codes #5322 & #5323)
  • 5604 – Complaining About Boss
  • 5605 – Complaining About Personal Problems
  • 5640 – Miscellaneous Unproductive Complaining
  • 5701 – Not Actually Present At Job
  • 5702 – Suffering from Eight-Hour Flu
  • 6102 – Ordering Out
  • 6103 – Waiting for Food Delivery to Arrive
  • 6104 – Taking It Easy While Digesting Food
  • 6200 – Using Company Resources for Personal Profit
  • 6201 – Stealing Company Goods
  • 6202 – Making Excuses After Accidentally Destroying Company Goods
  • 6203 – Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls
  • 6204 – Using Company Phone to Make Long-Distance Personal Calls to Sell Stolen Company Goods
  • 6205 – Hiding from Boss
  • 6206 – Gossip
  • 6207 – Planning a Social Event (e.g. vacation, wedding, etc.)
  • 6210 – Feeling Sorry For Yourself
  • 6211 – Updating Resume
  • 6212 – Faxing Resume to Another Employer/Headhunter
  • 6213 – Out of Office on Interview
  • 6221 – Pretending to Work While Boss Is Watching
  • 6222 – Pretending to Enjoy Your Job
  • 6223 – Pretending You Like Coworker
  • 6224 – Pretending You Like Important People When in Reality They Are Jerks
  • 6238 – Miscellaneous Unproductive Fantasizing
  • 6350 – Playing Pranks on the New Guy/Girl
  • 6601 – Running your own Business on Company Time (See Code #6603)
  • 6602 – Complaining
  • 6603 – Writing a Book on Company Time
  • 6611 – Staring Into Space
  • 6612 – Staring At Computer Screen
  • 6615 – Transcendental Meditation
  • 6969 – Beating off in Broom Closet
  • 7281 – Extended Visit to the Bathroom (at least 10 minutes)
  • 7400 – Talking With Divorce Lawyer on Phone
  • 7401 – Talking With Plumber on Phone
  • 7402 – Talking With Dentist on Phone
  • 7403 – Talking With Doctor on Phone
  • 7404 – Talking With Masseuse on Phone
  • 7405 – Talking With House Painter on Phone
  • 7406 – Talking With Personal Therapist on Phone
  • 7419 – Talking With Miscellaneous Paid Professional on Phone
  • 7425 – Talking With Mistress/Boy-Toy on Phone
  • 7931 – Asking Coworker to Aid You in an Illicit Activity
  • 8000 – Recreational Drug Use
  • 8001 – Non-Recreational Drug Use
  • 8002 – Liquid Lunch
  • 8100 – Reading e-mail
  • 8102 – Laughing while reading e-mail
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