Quotes by Famous People

Why don’t they have waiters in waiting rooms? – George Carlin

According to a brand new report, alcohol abuse in Ireland is on the rise. Mainly because the guy who didn’t drink now does. – Conan O’Brien

All we have is here and now. That’s why procrastination feels so right. Procrastination isn’t the problem, it’s the solution. – Ellen DeGeneres

Housework can’t kill you, but why take the chance? – Phyllis Diller

Before we got engaged, he never farted. Now it’s a second language. – Caroline Rhea

Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy. – Albert Einstein

Having kids is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain. – Martin Mull

Don’t worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you’ll have to ram them down people’s throats. – Howard Aiken

Waiters and waitresses are becoming nicer and much more caring. I used to pay my check, they would say “Thank you.” That’s now escalated into “You care care of yourself, now.” The other day I paid my check and the waiter said, “Don’t put off that mammogram.” – Rita Rudner

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