A Moment in Hell
The irrational fears, the doomsday scenerios... every painful emotion,
zooming around my brain like a pack of angry bees. It hurts so bad, take the pain away
someone..... please, help me, help me-I’m trapped within myself.....
I’m lying in this cold unfamiliar hospital bed, wondering what I’m going to
do with the rest of my life. It hasn’t ended, and I’m not sure whether or not to
be happy about it. They’ve put me here, trying to make me heal. But I don’t think that
having to stay here away from my life is helping any.
It’s cold in this room, not just because of the windowless walls. Everything
in this place screams and reminds me of what I’ve done. I feel naked, stripped
of all defenses, so extremely vulnerable as I lie here letting others control my life.
This place is such a symbol of all that is wrong with me, now that I’m in here I can’t
hide anything, everyone knows that I’m not sane. I just want to leave so bad.
I’ve finally come clean, you could say. Realized that what I was, a self
assured projection of a girl, was nothing but a thin lie. All of it’s gone now,
in one foul swoop I’ve shown my true colors and stepped over that line that you
can’ t cross again. I’m not too sure how this is supposed to help me anyway.
Sure they’ve sent me to a doctor, who asked more questions than I wanted him to,
and put me on these pink pills, but so far all that’s made me want to do is
sleep. Sleep and recount every past anxiety that put me into this place.
* * * * * *
So here I am, my soul bleeding, laying lifeless on my bed.. Sure my heart
beats, my lungs fill with air, but my self is choking, gasping for air. It’s a
war, a war between my emotions and me. And I think it’s safe to say, I’m losing,
My eyes shut and my brain becomes silent for a moment. A sweet relief, but
the moment passes and they start attacking once more.
I sit up with a startled gasp and look around the room, it makes me sick. I
can’t look at anything without being reminded of some past anxieties. My bed is
little, it’s supposed to have a quilt and matching pillows on it, but there lost
under mounds of clothes.
“Lynn!” My mom screams from downstairs, I can hear her faint voice but I
pretend like I’m deaf. “Lynn Brookson, you get down here right now!” My body
freezes hoping that if I stay still long enough I’ll become invisible. She
screams once again, and I know that she’s counting down the seconds until she
becomes enraged. I gather my small amount of energy and run to the door.