When I got home I changed and washed my face. My mom was sitting at the table working on her third cup of coffee. She always had at least three. I saw that there was a message on the machine. "Mom, who called?"

"Some girl for you. I think she said her name was Kayla."

"Mom, that's the girl who is taking me to California. When did she call?"

"Just a minute a go. You are supposed to call her back." I grabbed the phone and took it to my room. I dialed Kayla's number. "Hello."

"Hi is Kayla there?"

"This is her."

"It's me Kay."
"Hey Girl."
"So what's up?"
"We have a change in plans."
"What do you mean we have a change in plans?"
"I mean we aren't going to California."

"Well then where are we going?"
"I'm going to my aunt's in Canada. I don't know about you."
"You mean your leaving me here to rot all summer so you can go to Canada?"

"IT wasn't my choice. My parents said I had to choose. If I go to Canada I can get more spending money because I can get a job but if I go to California it has to be with my parents."

"Oh. I see how it is."

"It's not like that."

"Yea it is. You would rather spend the whole summer working your butt off rather than spend it with your best friend."

"Look, I got to go. I'm not leaving until Monday. Maybe we can do something this weekend?"
"I don't know. Well see ya."

"Bye." The phone clicked off and I slowly hung up my receiver. How could she do this to me? We were supposed to be best friends. "Mom, I'm going out."

"Well, why and where?"

      "Well we have no milk and I'm just going to Mark's."
      "Isn't that the place where those people were killed?"
      "No Mom, that was Tony's."
      "Oh, well hurry back." I grabbed my jacket and walked out the door.  The world around me had become so unfamiliar to me, even thought I walked the same roads every day I was never really looking past what was on the outside. If you looked at my hometown you would see only a quiet little village with not that many people.  Underneath all of our images we really were a giant family. I had grown up with the same groups of people, but we really didn't have groups like regular schools. We were all one crowd. Kayla had gone out with almost every guy by the time we reached eight grade. She was so different than me.  Maybe that's what made us friends.

      Mark's was busy little shop run by a busy little man. Mark Fish only stood about five foot high. He had two sons, which both were really tall.  I kicked the dirt on the road as I walked down into the town square. Jonnie, the older of the two boys was standing out side sweeping the old wooden porch. "Hey Jonnie."
      "Hey, Britt."
      "How's Ruby?"
      "She's doing good from what I hear. She really likes Ohio."
      "That's good. Is she coming home soon?"
      "She's taking finals next week and she said she'll be on the first flight back here." Johnnie's face lit up. He loved Ruby so much.  They were getting married in the fall and still need to make plans. With her being away at school that was hard. "Well when she gets back let me know."

      "I will." I smiled and walked into the store. It smelled of honey and of Travis's cologne. Travis walked out from behind the counter and grabbed my hand.  He pulled me out behind the store. "Hey Trav."

      "Hey Britt. So when were you planning on talking to me. You know, after the dance. I've really wanted to see you."  He was referring to the end of the year dance for the eighth graders. I had gone with him and at the end of the dance we kissed. "Well, I haven't had a reason to see you. You know my mom.  I have to somewhere for a reason."
      "God Brittany. She ever gonna let you have a life."
      "Travis, she is my mother. And just because I want to date you doesn't mean she's gonna let me."
      "Well that just makes it more fun."

"I know so the faster I drink milk and eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches the faster you'll be seeing me."  I smiled and kissed him lovingly. "Now I have to get milk and hurry home so my mother doesn't wonder about what's taking me so long."

            "Fine, spoil my fun."  He grabbed my hand and together we walked back into the store.

* * *

I was soon walking home forgetting all about what had happened on the phone earlier. I was all smiles and not worried about my mother.  When I got home there was a worried look on my mother's face. "What's wrong?" I asked her

    "The mail came."
    "And…"
    "There's a letter from your father for you." I didn't say anything. Why now? Why had he chosen this summer? I walked over to the table and my mother handed it to me. I slowly opened it and pulled out the two-page letter. The paper was a pale yellow and smelled of smoke.  "Well what does it say?" My mother was again sticking her nose where it didn't belong. "Um… it says that he wants to see me. And he wants me to visit him, this summer."  A look of shock came over her face.   "There's a phone number here.   He lives in Ohio."

    "That's nice. Are you going?"
    "Well, I would like to. I mean he's my father and I haven't seen him in a while."
    "So you're going?"
    "Yes Mom." Her eyes fell onto the floor. She stared at the spot where Danielle had spilled soda only years before. "Mom, I'm sorry but…"
    "I understand. He has sent other letters to me asking if I would let you come and stay with him for a while. I kept saying no because I will never forgive him for what he did you. This time he was smart. He addressed the letter to you and not me. Well call him." I picked up the phone and sat on our old sofa. I dialed the number. My hands shook with fear. A woman answered the phone. "Hi is Bryan there?" I asked

    "Sure hold on."  The lady called into the house. I could hear footsteps. "It's for you. I think it's you daughter." I heard her whisper. He picked up the phone. "Hello."

    "Hi, dad. It's me, Brittany."

    "Hi." His voice sounded a little unsure.

    "I got your letter. Mom says it's okay if I come."

    "Okay well, Brittany. There's been a slight change of plans. You see I'm getting married in August and we need to plan so I don't know if now is the best time for you to come."
    "Well don't you think I should meet my step-mother?" My mother looked up from the paper and her jaw dropped.

    "Well, sure. I mean if you won't get in the way you can come but there will be a of things going on and we might not have a lot of time together."
    "Great just what I need." I whispered

    "What was that?"

    "Oh nothing Dad. That's fine. So when am I coming?"

"I sent you a plane ticket in your letter. It's for Monday."
 "Okay. See ya then."

"Bye." The phone clicked.

"He's getting married?" My mother asked.

"Yep. And he doesn't want me."

"Well he's still letting you come isn't he?"
      "Yea well, I can just tell that he really doesn't want me to come."
      "Brittany, I think you should go talk to Travis."
      "Why would I want to do that?"
      "It's okay Brittany. You don't have to hide it anymore. I know." I smiled and ran out the door.

* * *

I opened the door to the store and looked around.

"Mr. Mark, Where's Travis?"
      "Well, Miss Kacey, I believe he went home. You better be good to my boy."
      "I will." I smiled and left the store. The Marks lived in a small cottage home not far from the store. It's siding was a pale blue, and it had a porch that you could sit on during the rain. Mrs. Mark was sitting on a rocker on the porch when I had arrived. This had not been the only time we'd met. The short plump women walked over to me and grabbed my hand. "Hello, Brittany."
      "Hello, Mrs. Mark. Is Travis here?"
      "Yes, dear he's inside." The mother opened the screen door and I stepped in. I heard it shut behind me and the old women's footsteps heard back to her rocker. The house smelled of smoke and ash. It was dark and warm. Near the stove sat a cooking pot. They were having a big supper. I stepped around the objects on the floor. The old brown boards creaked underneath me. Only one light shown and that was from under a closed door. I knocked on the door that was practically bouncing from the sound waves coming from the speakers. The door opened and Travis stood at the door. He smiled and my heart melted. I never really understood why we were the way we were, I knew we were meant to be when he held me in his arms. "Hey." He said

"Guess what? My mom knows. No more hiding."
"Cool"

"There's more."
"More?? Good or bad?"

"Both. You see my dad wants me to visit him for a while. I don't know how

long but it won't be more than two weeks because he's getting married."
"Well that's certainly news. Are you going?"

"I don't know." I plopped onto the bed and he put his arms around me.

"I mean he is my father and it has been years, but then again why should I forgive him? He walked out on us. Ya Know?"

      "Yea, but he is your father. You know what I think?"
      "You? Think? That's funny."
      "I'm being serious." He laughed.
      "What do you think?"
      "I think you should do what's best and follow your heart. Listen to it. See what it tells you. It knows you better than anybody."

      "You're right. But still…"
      "Just try it. What does your heart want to do?"

      "It wants to leave this God awful town with you."
      "What does it say about your dad?"
      "That everyone deserves a second chance and that I should forgive him."
      "There's your answer."
      "What I'm supposed to go see my dad and all be peachy again?"
      "You said your self everybody deserves a second chance."
      "Fine. You win."
      "Don't I always." I threw a pillow at him.

      "That wasn't' very nice." He tickled me and I screamed and ran. I ran outside where he chased me. People stopped and started and I really could have cared less. I was in love for the first time and never wanted the feeling to stop, even though deep in my heart there would come a day when he wouldn't love me anymore. He caught me and kissed me. "There's one more thing." I told him

      "Oh God…"
      "I'm leaving Monday."

      "What?"
      "I know. I know. I don't like it either but guess what I can do? If it's okay with your parents I can use the money I was saving for California to get you to Ohio. My dad said he probably wouldn't have that much time for me so I could spend it with you."

      "That's sounds like a good idea. I don't know if my dad will let me get out of working."

"Well you could get a job there. I would have to call my dad to see if you could like sleep on the couch but if he's not gonna spend time with me then I'm gonna spend time with you."
      "Very thought out plan. That's why I love you."

"I feel special. Okay well I got to get home before my mom worries."

"Let me walk you home."

"If you insist." He grabbed my hand. I took him on the back roads. We took as long as we possibly could but finally we reached my home and we said good-bye. When I opened the door I was greeted my Kayla, some one who I really didn't want to talk to right now. "Let's talk." She said. We walked back to my room. We argued for almost an hour about our friendship and our relationships with boys. At one point I had slapped her because she had said that Travis was only using me and he didn't love me and I didn't deserve a guy like him. I said I was sorry but she got up and left. I so wanted to hug Travis right at that moment. I wanted him to hold me. I wanted him to tell her that he did love me and he wasn't using me and that he was the one who didn't deserve me. But I didn't run to Travis. I just ran. I ran away. I ran away from it all. I ran until dark when I was at the state line. I had cried the whole way. My eyes stung with the cool breeze that was blowing. I leaned up against a huge rock and cried until I fell asleep.

* * *

I hadn't left my mother a note so naturally she worried. She was at the kitchen table when I returned the next morning, her hands shaking. I could tell she had been up all night drinking coffee. I walked passed her and into the bathroom. "Just exactly where did you go? Why didn't you tell me you were leaving?"

"Because I my self didn't know where I was going or that I was leaving."
"Did you run to Travis?"

"No. I ran to the state line. I sat for a while and cried for a while. Then I came back."

      "Well I saw Kayla's cheek. What did you do?" I turned off the water I had been running. I stood up.

"I didn't do anything and she deserved what she got."
"Brittany, you slapped her so hard I could hear it out here."
"Mom, she's supposed to be my best friend. Best friends don't tell each other that their boyfriends don't love them or that they're being used or they don't deserve their boyfriend."

"Oh. That explains a lot." My mother walked out of the bathroom and shut the door behind her. My face hurt so badly. It was cold from all the crying and the wind. I never really meant to sleep all that day but I did. I was leaving in four days for Ohio and I wasn't even packing yet. Now that I thought about it I really didn't want to go to Ohio to see my dad. I wanted to go so I could get out of here, and see what it would be like on the outside world. My life was so incomplete and had no real meaning. The only thing that really mattered to me was Travis, he was the one who truly loved him and cared for me. I knew that it would be the best summer of my life because I was spending it with the love of my life.

      That night I was so excited that I couldn't sleep and I knew that I would have to call my father and tell him I would be bringing a guest. The sun roes over the hills that protected our little village. I waited until about nine-thirty to call because it was Saturday. He picked up the phone. He didn't seem to mind that I was bringing my boyfriend and that all he needed was his couch. I hung up with my father ten minutes later and went to see Travis.

      You could tell that Travis had just gotten out of bed because his usually combed hair was now in a wild frenzy of tangles and knots. He sat down on the couch and stretched his arms out to the side and yawned. "So what's up?"
      "Did you ask?"

      "Yep."
      "And?"
      "I'm allowed."
      "Great. My dad said it was okay too. We are leaving Monday. Just you and I, all summer. We could probably visit Ruby while we're there."
      "I thought about that. I think we need to check up on her just so my brother doesn't get hurt." We hugged and then I left. I was going to Ohio in a couple of days and I had some major packing to do.

* * *

      Monday came and I was packed. I met Travis at the airport at nine o' clock. I had left a note with my mom for Kayla if she wanted to reach me or something along those lines. For Travis, nine was too early because his hair was a mess and big black circles were under his eyes. We got on the plane and sat in silence for a long time. He brought along his CD player and was off in his own little world. I wondered if I had made the wrong choice to go to Ohio or to have taken Travis with me.

      We landed and my father was waiting for us. He looked so different from when I had last seen him. His hair was a lighter color and his eyes a lot happier green. We hugged and he shook Travis's hand. When we stepped outside I used my hand to shield my eyes from the sun. It was a lot brighter here and a lot warmer. I was wearing a pare of blue jeans and a pink top. My father led us to a short black car with a tall man dressed in black standing in front of it. I was surprised when he opened the door for my father and I. My father was rich, I thought. He had a driver. That was more than Mom could ever afford. We've had the same couch for twelve years and she refuses to buy a new one.

      We rounded corners and drove on streets. It was weird, being in a car with tinted windows and not being able to see out. For some reason Travis was avoiding my eyes and I was starting to wonder about him. There had been many beautiful girls at the airport and he had not looked at me but at them. I wondered if maybe he didn't love me anymore. I horrified feeling came over me and I sat there staring at the back of the driver's head. We stopped and I had not lifted my eyes. My father shook me. I was startled and realized that we were at my father's home. The driver opened my door and I stepped onto a paved driveway. I looked up in amazement at the large building in front of me. "I see you've done well for yourself." I said to my father. The large home was made of real stone. Its large oak door was as heavy as the whole tree. We stepped into the hallway and I cheery voice and clicks came toward us. "Hi. It's so nice to meet you." An averaged height blond woman took my hand and shook it. Her pale blue eyes and rosy cheeks made her beautiful. She was skinny and her hair was about shoulder length. I knew she would be my stepmother. "Hi." I smiled at her kindly. She seemed nice. I looked at Travis who was gazing at the interior of the living room. I turned back and looked at my future stepmother. "My name is Karen. I've heard so much about you. It's so great to finally meet you."
      "I'm Brittany."

ily: 'Georgia Ref';">      "You've got to come see my shoe collection. It's to die for."

      "Did you say shoes? I love shoes." She took my hand and led me up a flight of stairs. I really liked her. My thoughts of an evil stepmother had disappeared from my mind. At the top of the stairs I look at Travis who was talking to my father. Karen saw me staring. "He's cute. Are you too, you know, an item?"
      "We're supposed to me."
      "What's wrong?" She put her arm around me and pulled me away from the stairs. We went into a large room full of shelves and shoes. "Ever since we left, he's been avoiding me. It hurts. And at the airport I swear I caught him looking at all the other girls and not even glancing at me. I feel so icky."
      "Maybe you should talk to him?"
      "I can't do that."
      "Why not?"
      "You don't know Travis. He gives advice. He doesn't take it and he doesn't want to hear it. Opinions don't matter to him. Whatever he says is right."
      "Then maybe he's not the one for you."
      "But I think I'm in love with him."

* * *

      That night I dressed for dinner in a long red dress that my father had bought for me. He had said that we were going out tonight, all four of us. I was excited and scared at the same time. I would have to talk to Travis sometime. As we drove into town I looked out the window and tried to figure out what I was going to say. The night air was cool and felt good on my flushed skin. I watched my father hold his soon-to-be wife's hand. I looked at Travis. He had his hands stuffed into his pockets.

      We were shown to our seats in a little French restaurant. I sat beside Travis.

      "Can I talk to you a second?"
      "What for?" He had kept his eyes on his plate and had not looked at me.

      "I need to talk to you."
      "Fine." He pulled his napkin up from his lap. "May we be excused?" As I got up and walked up from the table I heard my father say, "Oh puppy love is so cute."
      "Oh I think it's more than just puppy love." I looked back and I saw the worried look on Karen's face. Travis waited outside for me. "So what was so urgent that you needed to interrupt my dinner."
      "Why are you acting this way?" Tears formed behind my eyes, but I did not cry.

      "What do you mean why am I acting this way? What way are you acting?"
      "At least I act like you exist. You haven't looked at me once since we got on that plane. Maybe I was wrong to said I would ever come on this trip."
      "Maybe you were."

"What's that supposed to mean?

"This is me when I'm away from my parents, my home, my life."
"You know what this is not what I've got my self into." I turned around and

walked toward the side of the building where we were parked. "Where are you going?"

"I don't' know." I called back to him. When I got to the car I sobbed. The driver opened the door.
"Now, now Miss Kacey. Here's a hanky." He handed me a folded cloth. I wiped my nose and dried my eyes. "Can you please just take me home?"

      "Of course." He started the engine and we sped away fast.

                              * * *

At the house I changed into my pajamas and took off my makeup including my mascara, which had run down my cheeks. I sat on my bed and looked at the phone. Should I call mom? No that would make her right. I reached into my bag and dialed a number. There was no answer so I left this message: "Hey Kayla it's me. Look I'm sorry for everything and you were right." I started to hang up when a voice said, "Hello?"

"Hey."
"So Miss Fancy Pants is in Ohio." We talked for a long time I cried for a long time. We hung up about eight o' clock (In Ohio). I knew that every one else wouldn't be home for a while so I explored the house. I went into my father's room. I looked at a picture of Karen. A funny feeling came over me. I took it back to my room where I had a picture of Travis. Even with shoes on, Karen stood about six foot. Both of Travis's parents were shorter. This didn't add up. But even if Karen was his real mother that still wouldn't make us blood. He looked nothing like my father so what were they keeping from me?

      A car pulled up out side and Karen stepped out. Followed my father then finally Travis. I quickly put the picture away and lay down in my bed. I acting like I was asleep. I shut my eyes tightly as I heard footstep coming toward the door. They were a man's. "Wake up. We have to talk." It was Travis. I slowly opened my eyes. "I don't want to talk to you." I said and rolled over onto the other side of the bed. "You don't have a choice." This time it was not Travis, it was my father.

* * *

      We sat in the living room. I sat on the chair with my feet curled under me and Travis sat on the sofa, beside Karen, with his legs outstretched. My father paced around the floor. The way he had always did after dinner. Finally he said, "It has come to my attention that there are some problems in this household." He pause for a moment, "Now does anyone care to state any of those problems?" I stood up. "I would like to know what's going on."
      "Sit down Brittany." Travis said pushing on my knee.

      "No. There is something that you are all hiding from me and I demand to know what it is." Travis now sat straight up. I had found out this secret and he was worried. Good.

      "What are you talking about?" My father asked. Karen looked at the floor.

      "Karen how tall are you?"
      "Six foot."

      "Travis, both of your parents are short. You are tall."
      "What does that have to do with anything?" My father asked impatiently.

      "Dad, look at Travis then look at Karen. Karen is his mother." The room was silent for a while. My father kept looking from Travis to Karen then to me. Finally Karen spoke up, "I was gong to tell you." She touched my father's hand and he pulled away. Travis just sat there. "Well, Travis nice to see the real you. This is you. This is where you belong. Good bye." I stood up and walked towards the stairs. "Just where do you think you're going?" My father asked me.

      "Home. Where I belong, to my home. To who I am. To my life." I looked at Travis, then back to my father. "I want to go home. Please. I don't belong here." I turned away from my father and went up the stairs.

      The next morning was a little shaky. I was up and packed by five. I left around six without saying good by to anyone but leaving each one a different note. I called a cab to take me to the airport. There I bought my ticket home. I slept on the plane. I was home by eight. I called my mom from our little airport and told her I needed her to come pick me up. We rode home in silence.

When we got home I went to my own room and laid in my own bed. It was relieving that I was home and didn't have to worry about stepmothers and boyfriends. I fell asleep about twenty minutes later. My mother woke me up around twelve only because of a phone call from Ohio. "No," I said. "I won't talk to any of them." I pulled the covers up over my head as my mom handed me the phone. "Hello?"

"Hello." It was Travis. "I didn't think you were serious about leaving."
"I was."

"I can see that. So how are you?"

"I'm just peachy. What is the real reason that you're calling?"

"I think maybe that we should…" He wouldn't so I did.

"Break up. That sounds about right. Okay now that that's settled, good-bye."

"No. I don't want to break up. I just want time off."
"Why so you can lie behind my back. Never once look at me. Never tell me that I'm the one you want. I refuse to get hurt by you anymore. Good-bye Travis." I clicked down the phone.   I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I started the relationship with him, but now I knew. It was going to be a long summer when he came home. If he came home.

***

      The next morning I went for a walk. I didn't jog, but I did get up early and I did walk the same path. At the half waypoint I walked off the trail and into the woods. The sun had just only risen over the tops of the mountains. I made my way though trees as though I had just been in them yesterday. I felt like a little girl again. "Hurry up Brittany." My sister would always say. I had always followed her, Jonnie, and Missy into the woods where they would try to get me lost. One time I really did get lost. I had climbed a tree as a dare and when I came back down they were gone. I sat by the tree and waited and waited for them to come back. I was so scared that I cried. Before dinner my sister had came and found me and she had promised never to do that again. Going back now, to those same woods, which I haven't been in since the day my sister died was weird. I never understood why I stopped coming. I stood in the middle of the trees. I could tell you who had carved what on every tree. On the old oak maple there were three small words written in a heart. I went over and touched them with my hand. I remember the day that Jonnie had carved them. On my sister's fourteenth birthday, he had dragged her away from the party and I followed them. He stood there and carved every letter so perfectly, even after all these years you can still see each and every letter.

                      Jonnie

                      Loves

                      Denny.

      That's what we called her. She hated her full name so we called her Denny. On the green maple there was a faded heart, a heart that was mine. After the dance Travis took me back this way. I didn't remember what happened or where I was, but he had brought me here. With his brother's knife he had carved:

                       Travis

                      Loves

                      Britt.

      I took my knife, my sister's knife that I had taken out of the attic, and dug it into the tree, crossing out every record that those words had ever been there. I put it away before I killed the tree completely. I walked around the grove of frees and saw that both my sister's and my best friend's name appeared more than once. I went walked over vines and tree branches until I got to a old shack that my sister and I called our home away from home. I smiled and walked closer to it. So many memories had happened here. This is where she first told me that she loved Jonnie. It was hard to believe that he was going to marry someone else. I opened the door and looked inside. I had always lived for the summer. The days were longer and my mom had let us stay out later. I lit a candle and looked around the room. There on the little table we used to have tea at was an envelope with my name on it. The sun peeked through the dirty windows. I cleaned one of them off and the sun shown through. I blew out the candle and sat down. I opened the letter. Inside there was a piece of pink colored paper, my sister's stationary. It read:
      Dear Britt,
            I'm so sorry that I must leave you to deal with all of this but I must leave this world and leave my pain. I will tell you this and only you. I did not die of cancer. I Danielle (Denny) Ann Carter committed suicide. I am very sorry that I have to tell you this but maybe you will understand. I needed to get away from all the pressure around me. I was daddy's little girl and mama's angel. I was not perfect in anyway. I didn't think it was fair that you got so little attention and I got it all. So many times I wished I were you. So one night I sneaked out and broke into the drug store. I swallowed almost a whole bottle of sleeping pills. I couldn't bring to swallow more than 4 at a time. So each day I would take 4 and hoped I would die. But I didn't die, I just got cancer. It may not seem like a suicide but it was an attempt. It gave me cancer, which did kill me. My dear sweet little sister, I hope you understand I did what I had to do. I would never do anything to hurt you, mom, dad or Jonnie but I needed to do this. It was my life that I cut short. I hope that you are older when you read this that way maybe just maybe you can understand why. Tell Jonnie I love him. I love you my sister, my friend

                Love always,

                      Denny.