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How To Annoy Other People
- Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch
paper, 99 copies.
- In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual
massage."
- Specify that your drive-through order is "for here".
- If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen
while talking to others.
- Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
- Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all
weather conditions to "keep them tuned up."
- Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU
think."
- Practice making fax and modem noises.
- Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and
"cc." them to your boss.
- Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
- Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with
prophesy."
- Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over
your ears.
- Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge
across the room.
- Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
- Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green,
and insist to others that you "like it that way."
- Staple papers in the middle of the page.
- Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking"
noise.
- Honk and wave to strangers.
- Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their
complimentary mints by the cash register.
- TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE.
- type only in lowercase.
- dont use any punctuation either
- Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole
streets.
- Repeat the following conversation a dozen
times:
Do you hear
that?"
("What?")
"Never
mind, it's gone now."
- As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
- Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom
of your chin. When nearly done, announce, "No, wait, I messed it
up," and repeat.
- Ask people what gender they are.
- While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a
parakeet.
- Sing along at the opera.
- Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't
rhyme.
- Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble
their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological
profiles."
Submitted by Kerissa (19), US
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