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The English Language!
Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?
Let's face it,
English is a language where,
There is no egg in the eggplant.
No ham in the hamburger,
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple!
English muffins were not invented in England.
French fries were not invented in France.
We sometimes take English for granted.
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that,
Quicksand takes you down slowly,
Boxing rings are square,
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
If writers write, how come fingers don't fing!
If the plural of tooth is teeth,
Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth!
If the teacher taught,
Why didn't the preacher praught.
If a vegetarian eats vegetables,
What the heck does a humanitarian eat!?
Why do people recite at a play
Yet play at a recital?
Park on driveways and
Drive on parkways
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
Of a language where a house can burn up as
It burns down
And in which you fill in a form
By filling it out
And a bell is only heard once it goes!
English was invented by people, not computers,
And it reflects the creativity of the human race.
(Which of course isn't a race at all)
That is why
When the stars are out they are visible,
But when the lights are out they are invisible
And why it is that when I wind up my watch,
It starts.
But when I wind up this observation,
It ends.
Submitted by Anish Grover (), Pune, India
Grammar!
I don't know about you, but in my student days, mastering English grammar seemed about as easy as learning the art of black magic. Well I was apparently onto something.
The word "grammar" entered medieval English as "gramarye," via Scotland. The Scots got it from the French word, "grimoire," which meant a collection of magic spells.
The connection was made between grammar and magic because most people then were illiterate, so any linguistic smarty-pants was metaphorically seen as dabbling in sorcery.
I wish they had retained grimoire. It sounds more like the way I felt about the subject.
Source: Forgotten English
Submitted by DICTIONARY OF AMERICAN SLANG (),
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