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How To Write A Term Paper!
- Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lighted place
with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
- Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you
understand it.
- Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help
you concentrate.
- Stop off at another floor on the way back and visit with your
friend from class. If your friend hasn't started the paper yet
either, you can both walk to McDonald's and buy a hamburger to
help you concentrate. If your friend shows you his paper, typed,
double-spaced, and bound in one of those irritating see-thru
plastic folders, drop him.
- When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable
chair in a clean, well lighted place with plenty of freshly
sharpened pencils.
- Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you
understand it.
- Check your e-mail; reply to everyone who sent you
letters.
- You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp
since fourth grade... You'd better write that letter now and get
it out of the way so you can concentrate.
- Go look at your teeth in the bathroom mirror.
- Listen to one side of your favorite tape and that's it, I mean
it, as soon as it's over you are going to start that
paper.
- Listen to the other side.
- Check your e-mail again.
- Rearrange all of your CDs into alphabetical order.
- Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if he's started
writing yet. Exchange derogatory remarks about your teacher, the
course, the university, the world at large.
- Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted
place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
- Read over the assignment again; roll the words across your
tongue; savor its special flavor.
- Check your e-mail to make sure no-one sent you any urgent
messages since the last time you checked.
- Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing
something truly worthwhile on TV. NOTE: When you have a paper due
in less than 12 hours, anything on TV from Masterpiece Theater to
Sgt. Preston of the Yukon is truly worthwhile, with three
exceptions: Pro Bowler's Tour, any movie starring Don Ameche, and
Star Trek.
- Catch the last hour of Soul Brother of Kung Fu on channel
26.
- Phone your friend on the third floor to see if he was
watching. Discuss the finer points of the plot.
- Go look at your tongue in the bathroom mirror.
- Look through your roommate's book of pictures from home. Ask
who everyone is.
- Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the
future.
- Open your door and check to see if there are any mysterious,
trench-coated strangers lurking in the hall.
- Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted
place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
- Read over the assignment one more time, just for the heck of
it.
- Check your e-mail.
- Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the
sunrise.
- Lie face down on the floor and moan.
- Leap up and write the paper.
- Type the paper.
Submitted by Kerissa (19), US
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