Truisms for those of us who are mature!!

– Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.

– I changed my password to “incorrect” so whenever I forget it the computer will say, “Your password is incorrect.”

– Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

– I’m great at multi-tasking–I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.

– If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

– Doesn’t expecting the unexpected mean that the unexpected is actually expected?

– Take my advice — I’m not using it.

– Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they’re at home when you wish they were.

– Television may insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.

– I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago and so far all it’s been doing is gathering dust.

– Every time someone comes up with a foolproof solution, along comes a more-talented fool.

– If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants.

– A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

– Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

– When I married Ms. Right, I had no idea her first name was Always.

– My wife got 8 out 10 on her driver’s test–the other two guys managed to jump out of her way.

– There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.

– Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.

– Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

– He who laughs last thinks slowest.

– Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?

– Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.

– I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.

– Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

– The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don’t have to mow it.

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