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Tuesday, December 10

Eat the Grass

Teacher addresses a student and asks: "How many kidneys do we have?"
"Four!", The student responds.
"Four? Haha," The teacher was one of those who took pleasure in picking on his students' mistakes and demoralizing them.
 "Bring a bundle of grass, because we have an ass in the room," the teacher orders a front bencher.
 "And for me a coffee!", the student added.
 The teacher was furious and expelled the student from the room.  
The student was, by the way, the humorist Aparicio Torelly Aporelly (1895-1971), better known as the "Baron de Itararรฉ".
 On his way out of the classroom, the student still had the audacity to correct the furious teacher:
 "You asked me how many kidneys' we have. "  'We have four: two of mine and two of yours. 'We have' is an expression used for the plural.  Enjoy the grass". 
 Life demands much more understanding than knowledge.  Sometimes people, because they have a little more knowledge or 'believe' that they have it, feel they have the right to underestimate others.

Thursday, November 28

From the Department of Allegory: Latin Expressions

Latin, America: From Quid Pro Quo to In Flagrante Delicto to Non Compos Mentis

All Latin expressions gathered at the Taverna to discuss Quid Pro Quo's phenomenal rise in popularity thanks to impeachment hearings in the United States. A wave of resentment ran through Ad Hoc, Pro Bono, Vice Versa, Et Cetera etc., who considered themselves frontrunners in Latinism sweepstakes before Quid Pro Quo had sprinted ahead in recent weeks.

"Well, let's get real," said Bona Fide, who was always truthful. "Quid Pro Quo is being promoted by no less a person than the U.S President, even though Pro Bono is available for free." Hearing this, Pro Bono, who was selfless and always unquestioningly volunteering herself, asked Prime Facie if this was indeed the case.

"On the face of it, yes," confirmed Prima Facie. "Although the President likes Ad Hoc, Quid Pro Quo is his current favorite."

"What about me? I am always bringing up the rear… though I am used so often," complained Et Cetera.

"At least you and your comrades Nota Bena and Post Script are made of two words, unlike that useless Addendum," consoled Alter Ego, looking over his shoulder at his shadow.

"Quid Pro Quo is made of three words!" pointed out Carpe Diem, groaning, "I should have seized the moment when the poet Horace wrote me into his Odes!"

"Actually, we should have all gone to war!" yelled Casus Belli, who was always in a confrontational mood.

"We would have backed you!" shouted twins De Facto and De Jure.

"Hear! Hear!" roared Vox Populi.

Et Cetera was comforted, but he knew he could never become the favorite; he'd always be an afterthought.

"Well, fair is foul and foul is fair," explained Vice Versa, an opportunist who flip-flopped often.

"Indeed, I am sorry about our fate. If y'all want I am happy to take the blame," offered the always-apologetic Mea Culpa.

"Let's just stay rooted to the ground. Our day will come!" advised Terra Firma.

"No, let's keep on rolling and rolling and …" pressed Ad Infinitum.

"The bird walked to the toy store," said Non Sequitur.

Alma Mater, who was nourishing her children Alumnus and Alumna, watched the agitated Latinisms with Sotto Voce, who was usually quiet and spoke only occasionally in a low voice.

"Too bad everyone thinks the President has flipped for Quid Pro Quo," she whispered. "No one believes me but I've seen him canoodling with that sexy wench In Flagrante Delicto."

Suddenly they heard someone chuckling in the shadows. It was Non Compos Mentis, giggling with the knowledge that she, not In Flagrante Delicto, was the President's first love.

Wednesday, October 16

Tuesday, October 8

Collateral Security

Soon to be reality in your country?
 
An Illiterate Tribal went to a Bank for a Loan of 2,00,000/- to buy Buffaloes. 

The Branch Manager asked what Collateral Security will he offer. 

Since the Tribal didn't Understand the Concept, the Branch Manager explained in detail about Collateral Security. 

The tribal kept his house as Collateral and the Loan was sanctioned for 2,00,000/- @ 9% interest for 5 Years. 

In 6 months the Tribal repaid the entire Loan. The Branch Manager was very happy and asked him what he was doing with the excess Money in the hope of Getting his Deposits target fulfilled. 

The Tribal said he kept it in his house locker. 

The Manager then pitched for his Fixed deposit saying that the Bank will give 7% interest and that his Money will Grow. 

Now Came the interesting Part 

The Tribal asked him
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"What Collateral Security will Your Bank offer Me to keep my Money in Bank? ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

The question needs to be asked now, only with the intention of safeguarding our own Money.

The best message received recently. Worth Sharing!!!

Hair style for trip to Rome!

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

" Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty.. You're crazy to go to Rome . So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Aer lingus" was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"Aer Lingus?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome 's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks its gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope.."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to me .

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Aer Lingus's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to Premier Class. The food and wine were wonderful and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.

And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a multi million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican , a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait the Pope would personally greet me.

Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me."

"Oh, really! What'd he say ?"

He said: "Who f*cked up your hair?" ๐Ÿ˜‚