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Sunday, September 26

Cost of Trip to Spain

Mate: How much would a trip to Spain cost?
Jack: It depends where you live. If you live in Spain, it's Free!!  ;-)

Saturday, September 25

Hard Feelings!

When you can't get what you looking for so hard! 

Thursday, September 23

Laugh at People!

"If you laugh at other people's conditions, you will be like them in future."

Ok, I am laughing at Jeff Bezos hahahaha, Bill Gates hahahaha ..... 

Thursday, September 16

How to See God in Space

Astronaut in space, 'I See No God Up Here'
Netizen suggested to remove his helmet.

Monday, September 13

Wine in Pill Form

Someone offered me grapes. But I declined.
I'm not used to consume swine in Pill form.

Sunday, September 12

Cop's Reason for Delay in Arrest!

Lawyer in court, "Wife shot her husband because he stepped on her freshly mopped floor?"
Policeman, "That is correct"
Lawyer, "And it took twenty minutes for you to arrest her! Why?"
Policeman, "The floor was still wet!"

Saturday, August 21

Tuesday, August 17

IQ 140 can find The Five Differences

Only people with IQ level 140 can find the Five Differences 

Proof of Global Warming

Women Innerwear Fashion designers have been giving the proof of Global Warming

Wednesday, July 28

Getting Double is Healthy

For a healthy Spine and Better weekend,
Never just buy one carton. 

Friday, July 23

Friday Beer Jokes

*Ultimate arroganceπŸ˜‚*

4 CEOs of  big beer companies meet for a drink. 

The president of Budweiser orders a Bud. Miller's president orders a Millers and the president of Amstel orders a Amstel. 

When it is Heineken's president  turn to order he orders a soda. 

Why didn't you order Heineken everyone asks? 

Nah, he replies. If you guys aren't having a beer neither will I !!
😜🍻

Friday, July 16

Husband's Dentist

Finally she realised why her husband had Toothache too often! 

Wednesday, July 14

Funny Wrestling

Wrestling fun! 
Trying to plug in the HDMI without looking behind the TV! 

Monday, July 12

Words of The Joker

In the movie, The Joker has some of the most powerful dialogues that will always be worth remembering.

1 - "I used to think that my life was a tragedy, but now I realize, it's a comedy."

2 - "My mother always tells me to smile and put on a happy face. She told me I had a purpose, to bring laughter and joy to the world."

 3 - " You're the only one that's ever been nice to me."

4 - "All I have are negative thoughts."

5 - "I thought it was going to bother me, but it really hasn't."

6 - "I just don't want to feel so bad anymore."

7 - "When you bring me out, can you introduce me as Joker?"

8 - "The worst part of having a mental illness is people expect you to behave as if you don't."

9 - "Is it just me, or is it getting crazier out there?"

10 - "Have you seen what it's like out there, Murray? Everybody just yells and screams at each other. Nobody's civil anymore! Nobody thinks what it's like to be the other guy."

11 - " I mean, don't you have to be funny to be a comedian?"

12- "For my whole life, I didn't know if I even really existed. But I do, and people are starting to notice."

13 - "I think I felt better when I was locked up in the hospital."

14 - "Everybody is awful these days. It's enough to make anyone crazy. If it was me dying on the sidewalk, you'd walk right over me. I pass you everyday and you don't notice me!"

15 - "I know it seems strange, I don't meant make you uncomfortable, I don't know why everyone is so rude, I don't know why you are; I don't want anything from you. Maybe a little warmth, maybe a hug dad, may be a bit of common decency!"

Sunday, July 4

Clever or Demeaning Advertising

Is it the cleverest advertising for travel to Agra, India to see Taj Mahal?

Pawn Shop

When there are too many genders 
and ,
You want to be clear ....
- Dick Owner 

Thursday, July 1

Wednesday, June 30

Learner Devil

When women decide to take revenge, 
Even the Devil sits to learn!

Sunday, June 27

English Vagaries

Vagaries of English Language! Enjoy!!!πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€

- Wonder why the word funeral starts with FUN?

-Why isn't a Fireman called a Water-man?

- How come Lipstick doesn't do what it says?

- If money doesn't grow on trees, how come Banks have Branches?

- If a Vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a Humanitarian eat?

- How do you get off a non-stop Flight?

- Why are goods sent by ship called CARGO and those sent by truck SHIPMENT?

- Why do we put cups in the dishwasher and the dishes in the Cupboard?

- Why do doctors 'practice' medicine? Are they having practice at the cost of the patients?

- Why is it called 'Rush Hour' when traffic moves at its slowest then?

- How come Noses run and Feet smell?

- Why do they call it a TV 'set' when there is only one?

- What are you vacating when you go on a vacation?

We can never find the answers, can we?

So just enjoy the pun and fun of the English language!!

Friday, June 25

Liberal Leftists' Rightist Son

I asked my friend's son what he wanted to be when he grows up. He said he wanted to be Prime Minister some day.

Both of his parents, LIBERAL LEFTISTS, were standing there, so I asked him, 'If you were Prime Minister, what would be the first thing you would do?'

He replied, 'I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.' His parents beamed with pride.

'Wow...what a worthy goal.' I told him. 'But you don't have to wait until you're Prime Minister to do that. You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll pay you Rs.500. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the same 500 rupee note for food and new set of clothes .'

He thought that over for a few seconds, then he looked me straight in the eyes and asked, ' Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him Rs.500?'

I said, 'Welcome to the RIGHTIST fold.'

His parents still aren't speaking to me.

(Author Unknown)

Dedicated to all those who think distributing freebies is kindness.

Tuesday, June 22

Late for Appointment at Gynecologist

A gynecologist waits on his last patient, who does not arrive.

After an hour, he makes a gin and tonic to relax.  After he settles into an armchair to read the newspaper, he hears the doorbell ring.

It's the patient, who arrives all embarrassed and apologizes for the delay.

"It doesn't matter," answers the doctor.  "Look, I was having a gin and tonic while waiting. Do you want one to help you relax?"

"I accept, thanks!" She answers.  

He gives her a drink, sits down in front of her and they start talking. Suddenly someone is heard opening the entrance office door.

The doctor looks worried, gets up and says: 
"My wife! Quick, take off your clothes and spread your legs, otherwise she might think there is some nonsense going on!"

πŸ˜‹πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‰πŸ˜€

Monday, June 21

Today's School

They Said No Phone Inside the School
Today School is Inside the Phone

Dad for Life

No recall vote for Impeachment, 
Father's constitution is written for Life (with help from mother) 
;-)

Saturday, June 19

Happy Father's Day

the first teacher 
the best Papa / Bapu / Abba / Dad
Happy Father's Day

Friday, June 18

New Boyfriend's Jet

My Ex was over the cloud with the new Man in her life.
"He said he had a Private Jet"

Tuesday, June 15

Ecstasy

Back and forth. . . in and out. . .in and out . . .a little to the right. . . a little to the left . . . she could feel the sweat on her forehead . . . between her breasts. . .
and, trickling down the small of her back. . . she was getting near to the end.

He was in ecstasy. . .
with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved. . .
forwards then backwards. . .
forward then backward. . .
again. . .
and again. . .
her heart was pounding now. . .
her face was flushed . . .
she moaned softly at first, then began to groan louder . . .
finally . . .
totally exhausted . . .
she let out a piercing scream . . . . .

"OK, OK, you smug bastard, I can't parallel park.  You do it!"

Thursday, June 10

Suez Canal Navigator

The Captain driving on road back from Suez Canal ship duty.

Monday, June 7

Income Tax Declaration

new declaration of immovable property in Income Tax return.

Tuesday, June 1

Wednesday, May 26

ID ten T Error

As we oldies know, sometimes we have  trouble with our computers. 

Yesterday, I had a problem, so I called Raaju, the 11 year old next door, whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over.

Raaju clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?

He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.' 

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'

Raaju grinned, 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?' 

'No,' I replied. 

'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'

So I wrote down:
ID10T

 I used to like Raaju, but 
 not anymore.πŸ€”πŸ˜

Thursday, May 20

News Headlines

A little girl was leaning into a lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside, all under the eyes of her screaming parents:

A biker jumps off his *Harley*, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.

Whimpering from the pain, the lion jumps back, letting go of the girl, and the biker brings the girl to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.

A BBC reporter, Laura Kuenssberg, had watched the whole event.

Laura, addressing the Harley rider says. "Sir, this was the most gallant and bravest thing I've seen a man do in my whole life."

The Harley rider replies. "Why, it was nothing, really. The lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right."

Miss Kuenssberg. "Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a BBC journalist, you know and tomorrow's News will run this story. So, what do you do for a living, and what political affiliation do you have?"

 The biker replies. "I'm a British Army veteran, a Conservative and I voted for Brexit."

The journalist leaves.

The following morning the biker turns on BBC News to see if it indeed brings news of his actions.
 
*BBC Headline*: RIGHT-WING UK VETERAN ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH.

And THAT pretty much sums up the BBC's approach to the news especially  on India these days... *And that of most of Indian media*

Friday, May 7

How Does That Even Happen!

This guy was trying to head out of the city, but apparently he was meant to stay in Vegas, at least for a little bit longer than planned. 
How does this even happen? 
He's lucky that he's still alive.

Wednesday, May 5

Immunity Boosting Herbal Tea Recipes -3

Herbal Tea Recipes to boost your Immunity system
Lemon Tea 
Hibiscus Tea 

Capitalism and Tyler Durden

Various definitions and aspects of Capitalism over Communism, Socialism,  Hedomism, Cubism, Triforvism, Anarchy, Trollism, Narcissism, Catholicism

Thursday, April 29

Why Covid Not Affecting You?

Why don't you guys get affected by Covid?
"Bcoz we don't have TV!"

Wednesday, April 28

Social Media Life Effects

If you take seriously this social media Stuff, you weren't hugged enough as a Child, 
and,
Probably not getting fucked enough as an Adult!

Wednesday, April 14

Epitome of Go Fu*k Yourself

If the male octopus way of providing female octopus to inseminate herself isn't the most epic way if saying 'go fu*k yourself' then don't know what is!!

Monday, April 12

French Connection

Pardon my French but....
'louvrΓ¨ lagΓ© parΓ¨ ' hain 

Sunday, April 11

ANNUAL Performance Self-Appraisal 2020

Corona Virus Submitted  its 'Annual Performance Self - Appraisal' for  2020, for promotion:
1.  Responsible for Global Digital Transformation and fast-tracking.
2.  Reduction of Global CO2 emission.
3.  Five million jobs "restructuring".
4.  Global Hygiene initiatives: Ensured 100% compliance on washing hands... leading to collateral reduction of other communicable diseases.
5.  Made global industry shift to WFH - saved exposure and costs.
6.  Reduction in global noise pollution by making everyone keep their mouth shut (while masked). πŸ˜‚
7.  Taught cooking, vegetable shopping, housekeeping to many.
8.  Highlighted the importance of governance, adaptability and long term planning, by all sectors.
9.  Spiritual contribution - Provided ample time to all people for reflection.
10. Provided a big boost to the Pharma sector, brought small utility stores back into priority. 
11. Taught family values and values of life again.
12. Taught how to manage funds by avoiding unnecessary expenses.
13. Oriented masses towards prevention of disease through Yoga, cycling, walking and healthy lifestyles.
14. Ushered in a new phase of social reforms - in controlling ostentatious and wasteful expenditure in socio-religious events.
15. Stopped wasteful expenditure in business travels, unnecessary holidays and vacations, and brought in use of technology through videoconferencing, and innovative staycations.

After due consideration: 
*Covid19 Coronavirus is promoted to next higher level with a mutant version.*

Wednesday, April 7

Easter Sale

Durex advertisement, make it everyday Easter for you

Tuesday, April 6

Before Discovery of Oxygen

Oxygen was discovered in 1772.
.
.
Before 1772 people used to die just before their birth!!

Politician's love for Country

A politician is a person
who will lay down your life for his country.

Sunday, April 4

Funny Online Ads Placements

Funny or ironic Placements of online advertisements