Saturday, September 10

Racism of Black and White

On color of skin and racism,

"Racism will never end as long as white cars are stil using black tyres.

Racism will never end if people still use black to symbolise bad luck and white for peace. 

Racism will never end if people still wear white clothes to weddings and black clothes to funerals. 

Racism will never end as long as those who don't pay their bills are blacklisted not whitelisted. Even when playing snooker. You haven't won until you've sunk the black ball, and the white ball must remain on the table. 

...........But I don't care, as long as I'm still using white toilet paper, I'm fine!"

Purportedly spoken in a speech by Zimbabwean President, Robert Mugabe.

Friday, August 12

New Words Signboard

The more you look at this sign board, the more you will find the new words! 
Nokiya
Mobile Repear 
#Cell Paint
#Mobile Sails
#Sony Erection
#Downlouding
Abailabul
Samesang
#Eye Phone

Wednesday, July 13

Dear Problems

seen on windshield of a car,

"Dear problems, give me some discounts, I am your regular customer"

Sunday, June 26

Thursday, June 16

Monday, June 6

Court Evidence of Viagra thieves

Big visgra shipment was stolen. Cops looking for gang of 'hardened' criminals.
Will the evidence stand in court trial?

Thursday, May 26

Driving Skill

Remember the days when you first started driving and everything was scary.
Now you are speeding over 80 and putting salsa on your taco!

Sunday, May 22

Saturday, May 7

Passion at 95 with Warning!

Passionate Sex at 95....! And warning too 😂😂

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Jenny went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. 

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, 'He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning'. 

Horrified, Jenny told her grandmother that people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

'Oh no, my dear,' replied granny. 'Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring.. It was just the right rhythm.. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply *in* on the Ding and *out* on the Dong.'

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued........ 'He'd still be alive if the damn fire engine had not passed by'.
 🤣😂😜

Sunday, April 24

Thursday, April 21

A Perfect Man

*A Perfect Man*

- wakes up at 5 am everyday
- exercises everyday
- makes his own bed
- cleans his room
- works sincerely
- does not touch alcohol
- helps in the kitchen
- does not indulge in night life
- is always punctual
- prays daily
- reads
- hits the bed at 9 pm sharp.

These men are found in Central jail.

Cheers

Saturday, April 9

Brave Doggy's Rhino Tale

On an interview for his Rhino chase viral picture, 
Doggy - "That day I was Drunk"

Tuesday, April 5

Aggressive Motorist

A motorcycle police officer stops a driver for shooting through a  red light. The driver is a real jerk, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer, demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo ! 
So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit offensive terms. 
The tirade goes on without the officer saying anything. 
When the officer finishes writing the ticket he puts an "AH" in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket. He then hands it to The 'violator' for his signature. The guy signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for. 
The officer says, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember that you're an asshole !" 

Two months later they're in court. The 'violator' has a bad driving record with a high number of points and is in danger of losing his license, so he hired a lawyer to represent him. 
On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run through the red light. 
Under cross examination the defense attorney asks; "Officer, is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket that you issued to my client ?" 
Officer responds, "Yes, sir, that is the defendant's copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top." 
Lawyer: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don't normally make ?" 
"Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an "AH," underlined." 
"What does the "AH" stand for, officer ?"  
"Aggressive and hostile, Sir."  
"Aggressive and hostile ?"  
"Yes, Sir. 
"Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for asshole ?" 
"Well, sir, you know your client better than I do."

*How often can one get an attorney to convict his own client* ?

Monday, April 4

A Perfect Man

*A Perfect Man*

- wakes up at 5 am everyday
- exercises everyday
- makes his own bed
- cleans his room
- works sincerely
- does not touch alcohol
- helps in the kitchen
- does not indulge in night life
- is always punctual
- prays daily
- reads
- hits the bed at 9 pm sharp.

These men are found in Central jail.

Cheers

Wednesday, March 9

Sunday, February 20

Thursday, February 3

Greta Thunberg's says No to Chinese Chopsticks

Greta Thunberg's tells Chinese to Stop using Chopsticks as trees are cut to make them. 
Chinese replied that chopsticks are made from bamboo which is a plant, and also adviced her to Stop wiping her as with toilet paper as paper is  made from trees.

Tuesday, January 25

Health Tests Report

Doctor on seeing the patients medical tests report, "High sodium, high cholesterol, lots of toxins - your blood test is remarkably similar to a potato chip!!"

Employee's Messaging Skills

An employee messaged her boss about leave telling him she was pregnant who was at WFH.

Most Desired Men

IN THE ODI TRIBE, IN ETHIOPIA, THE MOST DESIRED MEN ARE THOSE WITH THE LARGEST BELLIES.  THE MORE BELLY YOU HAVE, THE MORE ATTRACTIVE YOU ARE. 
I SHOW YOU SO YOU CAN SEE THAT YOU'RE NOT FAT, YOU'RE JUST IN THE WRONG TRIBE.

Friday, January 21

Accidental Photography

Did he wear this tshirt specially for a photograph with her? 
Is he messaging something? 

Sunday, January 9

Driving On Indian Roads

Drivers and Riders 

Don't know who the author is, but the article is very witty and a tongue-in-cheek commentary on driving in India... This hilarious article was written by an Architect from Baan, Netherlands who spent two years in Hyderabad.

For the benefit of every Tom, Dick and Harry visiting India and daring to drive on Indian roads, I am offering a few hints for survival. They are applicable to every place in India except Bihar, where life outside a vehicle is only marginally safer.

Indian road rules broadly operate within the domain of karma where you do your best, and leave the results to your insurance company. The hints are as follows:

Do we drive on the left or right of the road?

The answer is "both". Basically you start on the left of the road, unless it is occupied. In that case, go to the right, unless that is also occupied. Then proceed by occupying the next available gap, as in chess. Just trust your instincts, ascertain the direction, and proceed. Adherence to road rules leads to much misery and occasional fatality. Most drivers don't drive, but just aim their vehicles in the intended direction. Don't you get discouraged or underestimate yourself except for a belief in reincarnation, the other drivers are not in any better position.

Don't stop at pedestrian crossings just because some fool wants to cross the road. You may do so only if you enjoy being bumped in the back. Pedestrians have been strictly instructed to cross only when traffic is moving slowly or has come to a dead stop because some minister is in town. Still some idiot may try to wade across, but then, let us not talk ill of the dead.

Blowing your horn is not a sign of protest as in some countries. We horn to express joy, resentment, frustration, romance and bare lust (two brisk blasts), or, just mobilize a dozing cow in the middle of the bazaar. 

Keep informative books in the glove compartment. You may read them during traffic jams, while awaiting the chief minister's motorcade, or waiting for the rainwaters to recede when over ground traffic meets underground drainage.

Occasionally you might see what looks like a UFO with blinking colored lights and weird sounds emanating from within. This is an illuminated bus, full of happy pilgrims singing bhajans. These pilgrims go at breakneck speed, seeking contact with the Almighty,
often meeting with success.

Auto Rickshaw (Baby Taxi): The result of a collision between a rickshaw and an automobile, this three-wheeled vehicle works on an external combustion engine that runs on a mixture of kerosene oil and creosote. This triangular vehicle carries iron rods, gas cylinders or passengers three times its weight and dimension, at an unspecified fare. After careful geometric calculations, children are folded and packed into these auto rickshaws until some children in the periphery are not in contact with the vehicle at all. Then their school bags are pushed into the microscopic gaps all round so those minor collisions with other vehicles on the road cause no permanent damage. Of course, the peripheral children are charged half the fare and also learn Newton's laws of motion en route to school. Auto-rickshaw drivers follow the road rules depicted in the film Ben Hur, and are licensed to irritate.

Mopeds: The moped looks like an oil tin on wheels and makes noise like an electric shaver. It runs 30 miles on a teaspoon of petrol and travels at break-bottom speed. As the sides of the road are too rough for a ride, the moped drivers tend to drive in the middle of the road; they would rather drive under heavier vehicles instead of around them and are often "mopped" off the tarmac.

Leaning Tower of Passes: Most bus passengers are given free passes and during rush hours, there is absolute mayhem. There are passengers hanging off other passengers, who in turn hang off the railings and the overloaded bus leans dangerously, defying laws of gravity but obeying laws of surface tension. As drivers get paid for overload (so many Rupees per kg of passenger), no questions are ever asked. Steer clear of these buses by a width of three passengers.

One-way Street: These boards are put up by traffic people to add jest in their otherwise drab lives. Don't stick to the literal meaning and proceed in one direction. In metaphysical terms, it means that you cannot proceed in two directions at once. So drive, as you like, in reverse throughout, if you are the fussy type. Least I sound hypercritical; I must add a positive point also. Rash and fast driving in residential areas has been prevented by providing a "speed breaker"; two for each house.

This mound, incidentally, covers the water and drainage pipes for that residence and is left untarred for easy identification by the corporation authorities, should they want to recover the pipe for year-end accounting.

Night driving on Indian roads can be an exhilarating experience (for those with the mental makeup of Chenghis Khan). In a way, it is like playing Russian roulette, because you do not know who amongst the drivers is loaded. What looks like premature dawn on the horizon turns out to be a truck attempting a speed record. On encountering it, just pull partly into the field adjoining the road until the phenomenon passes. Our roads do not have shoulders, but occasional boulders. Do not blink your lights expecting reciprocation. The only dim thing in the truck is the driver, and with the peg of illicit arrack (alcohol) he has had at the last stop, his total cerebral functions add up to little more than a naught. Truck drivers are the James Bonds of India, and are licensed to kill. Often you may encounter a single powerful beam of light about six feet above the ground. This is not a super motorbike, but a truck approaching you with a single light on, usually the left one. It could be the right one, but never get too close to investigate. You may prove your point posthumously. Of course, all this occurs at night, on the trunk roads. During the daytime, trucks are more visible, except that the drivers will never show any Signal. (And you must watch for the absent signals; they are the greater threat). Only, you will often observe that the cleaner who sits next to the driver, will project his hand and wave hysterically.

This is definitely not to be construed as a signal for a left turn. The waving is just a statement of physical relief on a hot day. 

If, after all this, you still want to drive in India, have your lessons between 8 pm and 11 am-when the police have gone home and The citizen is then free to enjoy the *freedom of speed* enshrined in our constitution.

Having said all this, isn't it true that the accident rate and related deaths are less in India compared to US or other countries!!? ?

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