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Saturday, August 29

Topless Model

Admit it.
You've always been Crazy about topless models.

Thursday, August 27

Corona causes Impotency

Roxanne Davur qoutes on corona pandemic and lockdown.

Friday, August 21

Senior Citizens Facts

*How God keeps senior citizens going*

Most seniors never get enough exercise. In His wisdom God decreed that seniors become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses, keys and other things, thus doing more walking. And God looked down and saw that it was good.

Then God saw there was another need. In His wisdom, He made seniors lose co-ordination so they would drop things, requiring them to bend, reach, and stretch. And God looked down and saw that it was good.

 Then God considered the function of bladders and decided seniors would have additional calls of nature, requiring more trips to the bathroom, thus providing more exercise.  God looked down and saw that it was good.

 So, if you find as you age, you are getting up and down more, remember it's God's will. It is all in your best interest even though you mutter under your breath.

Nine Important Facts to Remember as We Grow Older

 #9 - Death is the number 1 killer in the world.

 #8 - Life is sexually transmitted.

 #7 - Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

 #6 - Men have 2 motivations: hunger and hanky-panky, and they can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.

 #5 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.

 #4 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.

 #3 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

 #2 - In the 60's, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird, and people take Prozac to make it normal.

 #1 - Life is like a jar of jalapeƱo peppers. What you do today may be a burning issue tomorrow. 

 Please share this wisdom with others, while I go to the bathroom

-Fukkad

Wednesday, August 19

Curiosity Bug

Just for the sake of curiosity...

1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

6. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

7. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?

9. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

10. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

13. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, dog trainers debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

Tuesday, August 18

3 Puns of 2020

*Puns of 2020* 

•If you see me leaving this group, please add me again. It's just that I'm so desperate to go out!

•Quarantine seems like a Netflix series: just when you think it's over, they release the next season.

•I need to social distance myself from my fridge; I tested positive for excess weight!

Tuesday, August 11

Confession

Lawyer: To prove my client was at home, I would like present his internet search history from that evening.
Nerd Client: 

Monday, August 10

Alive Certificate

A pensioner received a letter from Branch Manager stating 
" Thanks for promptly submitting this year's life certificate."
"But, Sorry to inform you that we have lost your last year's life certificate in our record and  the Bank's Inspector has pointed it out in his report." 

"Please submit a certified copy of the same if available with you. Alternatively submit a declaration that *you were alive last year also*"

*Pensioners reply*

"Dear Sir, 
Thank you very much for acknowledgement of my this year's Life Certificate."

"I'm equally sorry to inform you that I do not have any copy of last year's Life Certificate."

"I'm also not in a position to furnish any declaration regarding last year because due to my bad memory, despite trying hard, I'm not able to recollect as to whether I was alive last year or not. The inconvenience caused is deeply regretted.
 Regards."

Thursday, August 6

Guernica - Who did it?

*GUERNICA*
During the Nazi occupation of Paris, Pablo Picasso was taken to be "interrogated" by a special branch of Gestapo that had been set up to handle intellectuals and artists.

The officer who confronted Picasso, in spite of being a Gestapo thug, was almost polite, spoke good French and seemed even educated. A rarity.

The Nazi policeman gestured Picasso to sit in front of his desk, then he produced a photo of the now world famous "Guernica", the large painting that depicts Picasso's take on the Nazi bombing of the Spanish town of the same name during the Spanish Civil War.

With that facial expression that at the same time betrays tolerance toward a recognized genius and anger for his misdeed, the Nazi pointed at the photo and said with a harsh voice:
"Picasso! Have you done this?"

The reply of Picasso was worthy of a genius.
Said he:
*"No, you did it!*
*I only painted it".*