Wife and Husband - Funny or Wicked Relationship

some funny Situations n positions of Wife and Husband 

Brave Doggy's Rhino Tale

On an interview for his Rhino chase viral picture, 

Doggy - "That day I was Drunk"

Aggressive Motorist

A motorcycle police officer stops a driver for shooting through a  red light. The driver is a real jerk, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer, demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo ! 

So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer's ancestry, sexual orientation, etc., in rather explicit offensive terms. 

The tirade goes on without the officer saying anything. 

When the officer finishes writing the ticket he puts an "AH" in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket. He then hands it to The 'violator' for his signature. The guy signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for. 

The officer says, "That's so when we go to court, I'll remember that you're an asshole !" 

Two months later they're in court. The 'violator' has a bad driving record with a high number of points and is in danger of losing his license, so he hired a lawyer to represent him. 

On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run through the red light. 

Under cross examination the defense attorney asks; "Officer, is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket that you issued to my client ?" 

Officer responds, "Yes, sir, that is the defendant's copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top." 

Lawyer: "Officer, is there any particular marking or notation on this ticket you don't normally make ?" 

"Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an "AH," underlined." 

"What does the "AH" stand for, officer ?"  

"Aggressive and hostile, Sir."  

"Aggressive and hostile ?"  

"Yes, Sir. 

"Officer, are you sure it doesn't stand for asshole ?" 

"Well, sir, you know your client better than I do."

*How often can one get an attorney to convict his own client* ?

A Perfect Man

*A Perfect Man*

- wakes up at 5 am everyday

- exercises everyday

- makes his own bed

- cleans his room

- works sincerely

- does not touch alcohol

- helps in the kitchen

- does not indulge in night life

- is always punctual

- prays daily

- reads

- hits the bed at 9 pm sharp.

These men are found in Central jail.

Cheers

Unmarried Dilemma

An unmarried person's reply to a Toilet Engaged sign :-)

Vocabulary - Airgasm

New word vocabulary - Airgasm

Anatomy of a Bureaucrat

A Bureaucrat's Anatomy

German and Punjabi Language Similarity!

Handle with Care

VorSichtig Behandalen!

Grow Balls Quote

Famous woman quote: 

Balls are weak and sensitive! Grow vagina if you realy wanna get tough. Those things take a quite a pounding!! 

Friday Night Movie

Friday and a Movie, You in??

Hot Buns

Delivered hot cross buns 

Greta Thunberg's says No to Chinese Chopsticks

Greta Thunberg's tells Chinese to Stop using Chopsticks as trees are cut to make them. 

Chinese replied that chopsticks are made from bamboo which is a plant, and also adviced her to Stop wiping her as with toilet paper as paper is  made from trees.

Health Tests Report

Doctor on seeing the patients medical tests report, "High sodium, high cholesterol, lots of toxins - your blood test is remarkably similar to a potato chip!!"

Employee's Messaging Skills

An employee messaged her boss about leave telling him she was pregnant who was at WFH.

Most Desired Men

IN THE ODI TRIBE, IN ETHIOPIA, THE MOST DESIRED MEN ARE THOSE WITH THE LARGEST BELLIES.  THE MORE BELLY YOU HAVE, THE MORE ATTRACTIVE YOU ARE. 

I SHOW YOU SO YOU CAN SEE THAT YOU'RE NOT FAT, YOU'RE JUST IN THE WRONG TRIBE.

Accidental Photography

Did he wear this tshirt specially for a photograph with her? 

Is he messaging something? 

Driving On Indian Roads

Drivers and Riders 

Don't know who the author is, but the article is very witty and a tongue-in-cheek commentary on driving in India... This hilarious article was written by an Architect from Baan, Netherlands who spent two years in Hyderabad.

For the benefit of every Tom, Dick and Harry visiting India and daring to drive on Indian roads, I am offering a few hints for survival. They are applicable to every place in India except Bihar, where life outside a vehicle is only marginally safer.

Indian road rules broadly operate within the domain of karma where you do your best, and leave the results to your insurance company. The hints are as follows:

Do we drive on the left or right of the road?

The answer is "both". Basically you start on the left of the road, unless it is occupied. In that case, go to the right, unless that is also occupied. Then proceed by occupying the next available gap, as in chess. Just trust your instincts, ascertain the direction, and proceed. Adherence to road rules leads to much misery and occasional fatality. Most drivers don't drive, but just aim their vehicles in the intended direction. Don't you get discouraged or underestimate yourself except for a belief in reincarnation, the other drivers are not in any better position.

Don't stop at pedestrian crossings just because some fool wants to cross the road. You may do so only if you enjoy being bumped in the back. Pedestrians have been strictly instructed to cross only when traffic is moving slowly or has come to a dead stop because some minister is in town. Still some idiot may try to wade across, but then, let us not talk ill of the dead.

Blowing your horn is not a sign of protest as in some countries. We horn to express joy, resentment, frustration, romance and bare lust (two brisk blasts), or, just mobilize a dozing cow in the middle of the bazaar. 

Keep informative books in the glove compartment. You may read them during traffic jams, while awaiting the chief minister's motorcade, or waiting for the rainwaters to recede when over ground traffic meets underground drainage.

Occasionally you might see what looks like a UFO with blinking colored lights and weird sounds emanating from within. This is an illuminated bus, full of happy pilgrims singing bhajans. These pilgrims go at breakneck speed, seeking contact with the Almighty,

often meeting with success.

Auto Rickshaw (Baby Taxi): The result of a collision between a rickshaw and an automobile, this three-wheeled vehicle works on an external combustion engine that runs on a mixture of kerosene oil and creosote. This triangular vehicle carries iron rods, gas cylinders or passengers three times its weight and dimension, at an unspecified fare. After careful geometric calculations, children are folded and packed into these auto rickshaws until some children in the periphery are not in contact with the vehicle at all. Then their school bags are pushed into the microscopic gaps all round so those minor collisions with other vehicles on the road cause no permanent damage. Of course, the peripheral children are charged half the fare and also learn Newton's laws of motion en route to school. Auto-rickshaw drivers follow the road rules depicted in the film Ben Hur, and are licensed to irritate.

Mopeds: The moped looks like an oil tin on wheels and makes noise like an electric shaver. It runs 30 miles on a teaspoon of petrol and travels at break-bottom speed. As the sides of the road are too rough for a ride, the moped drivers tend to drive in the middle of the road; they would rather drive under heavier vehicles instead of around them and are often "mopped" off the tarmac.

Leaning Tower of Passes: Most bus passengers are given free passes and during rush hours, there is absolute mayhem. There are passengers hanging off other passengers, who in turn hang off the railings and the overloaded bus leans dangerously, defying laws of gravity but obeying laws of surface tension. As drivers get paid for overload (so many Rupees per kg of passenger), no questions are ever asked. Steer clear of these buses by a width of three passengers.

One-way Street: These boards are put up by traffic people to add jest in their otherwise drab lives. Don't stick to the literal meaning and proceed in one direction. In metaphysical terms, it means that you cannot proceed in two directions at once. So drive, as you like, in reverse throughout, if you are the fussy type. Least I sound hypercritical; I must add a positive point also. Rash and fast driving in residential areas has been prevented by providing a "speed breaker"; two for each house.

This mound, incidentally, covers the water and drainage pipes for that residence and is left untarred for easy identification by the corporation authorities, should they want to recover the pipe for year-end accounting.

Night driving on Indian roads can be an exhilarating experience (for those with the mental makeup of Chenghis Khan). In a way, it is like playing Russian roulette, because you do not know who amongst the drivers is loaded. What looks like premature dawn on the horizon turns out to be a truck attempting a speed record. On encountering it, just pull partly into the field adjoining the road until the phenomenon passes. Our roads do not have shoulders, but occasional boulders. Do not blink your lights expecting reciprocation. The only dim thing in the truck is the driver, and with the peg of illicit arrack (alcohol) he has had at the last stop, his total cerebral functions add up to little more than a naught. Truck drivers are the James Bonds of India, and are licensed to kill. Often you may encounter a single powerful beam of light about six feet above the ground. This is not a super motorbike, but a truck approaching you with a single light on, usually the left one. It could be the right one, but never get too close to investigate. You may prove your point posthumously. Of course, all this occurs at night, on the trunk roads. During the daytime, trucks are more visible, except that the drivers will never show any Signal. (And you must watch for the absent signals; they are the greater threat). Only, you will often observe that the cleaner who sits next to the driver, will project his hand and wave hysterically.

This is definitely not to be construed as a signal for a left turn. The waving is just a statement of physical relief on a hot day. 

If, after all this, you still want to drive in India, have your lessons between 8 pm and 11 am-when the police have gone home and The citizen is then free to enjoy the *freedom of speed* enshrined in our constitution.

Having said all this, isn't it true that the accident rate and related deaths are less in India compared to US or other countries!!? ?

Sccoter-Bathroom

Scooterist's Toilet 

Life is like Willy

Hard Life!

Sometimes life is up and sometimes down,

But it won't be hard forever!

Flirt or Harassment

Saddam on twitter : What's the difference between flirting and harassment ?

Ali replies : If you are handsome then its flirting, if you are ugly its harassment!

Wife on Knees

Husband to friends, "Had a fight with my wife and she ended up on her knees"

Friends, "What a man!"

(Moral: Everthing you hear or read is an opinion until proven or seen otherwise)

Taste of Wine

Australian Wine taste of bush !!

Jingle Bells

The Holidays aren't the same without J&B ! 

Dr. Molested Me-too

Forty years ago my doctor molested me...

When I was born, he slapped my Butt!

Story of Famous Love (Heart) Sign

Now you know the real story of Love Sign!

Car Owner's Enemy

Car Owner's weekend car wash delight

And,

A Pigeon's Delight !!!!

Laxmi added to whatsapp group

Admin : Adding *Laxmi* to the group.

 *Ravi* : Hi Laxmi welcome to the group.

 *Laxmi* : Hi guys , am new to the city

 *Vinay* : Hi Laxmi dont worry , am there...any problems i will solve it. 

 *Rajan* : Hi Laxmi.. tell me if you have any  problem, will arrange a solution for u

 *Vijay* : Hi Laxmi, if you need anything tell me, it will be arranged.

 *Ratan* : Hi Laxmi, mera bhai bada Kaam ki cheez hai , koi bhi problem ho, he will manage it for you..

 *Ram* : Laxmi, pl call me if you need any help

 *Laxmi* : Thanx guys for your support

 *Ratan* : Laxmi whats your full name..

 *Laxmi* : Laxminarayan Rao.

*Ravi left*

*Vinay left*

*Ratan left*

*Vijay left*

*Rajan left*

*Ram left*

*Admin left...*

*Laxmi is the admin now*

😳🥴😩😭.............😜😜

Cost of Trip to Spain

Mate: How much would a trip to Spain cost?

Jack: It depends where you live. If you live in Spain, it's Free!!  ;-)

Hard Feelings!

When you can't get what you looking for so hard! 

Laugh at People!

"If you laugh at other people's conditions, you will be like them in future."

Ok, I am laughing at Jeff Bezos hahahaha, Bill Gates hahahaha ..... 

How to See God in Space

Astronaut in space, 'I See No God Up Here'

Netizen suggested to remove his helmet.

Wine in Pill Form

Someone offered me grapes. But I declined.

I'm not used to consume swine in Pill form.

Cop's Reason for Delay in Arrest!

Lawyer in court, "Wife shot her husband because he stepped on her freshly mopped floor?"

Policeman, "That is correct"

Lawyer, "And it took twenty minutes for you to arrest her! Why?"

Policeman, "The floor was still wet!"

Talibani Dilemma

Evacuation underway in Afghanistan

Senior's ThursDay

Happy Thirst-day 

Happy Senior Citizens's Day!

IQ 140 can find The Five Differences

Only people with IQ level 140 can find the Five Differences 

Proof of Global Warming

Women Innerwear Fashion designers have been giving the proof of Global Warming

Buddies Friendship Day Cheers

For the Bud 

Who made me Wiser !

Getting Double is Healthy

For a healthy Spine and Better weekend,

Never just buy one carton. 

Friday Beer Jokes

*Ultimate arrogance😂*

4 CEOs of  big beer companies meet for a drink. 

The president of Budweiser orders a Bud. Miller's president orders a Millers and the president of Amstel orders a Amstel. 

When it is Heineken's president  turn to order he orders a soda. 

Why didn't you order Heineken everyone asks? 

Nah, he replies. If you guys aren't having a beer neither will I !!

😜🍻

Husband's Dentist

Finally she realised why her husband had Toothache too often! 

Funny Wrestling

Wrestling fun! 

Trying to plug in the HDMI without looking behind the TV! 

Words of The Joker

In the movie, The Joker has some of the most powerful dialogues that will always be worth remembering.

1 - "I used to think that my life was a tragedy, but now I realize, it's a comedy."

2 - "My mother always tells me to smile and put on a happy face. She told me I had a purpose, to bring laughter and joy to the world."

 3 - " You're the only one that's ever been nice to me."

4 - "All I have are negative thoughts."

5 - "I thought it was going to bother me, but it really hasn't."

6 - "I just don't want to feel so bad anymore."

7 - "When you bring me out, can you introduce me as Joker?"

8 - "The worst part of having a mental illness is people expect you to behave as if you don't."

9 - "Is it just me, or is it getting crazier out there?"

10 - "Have you seen what it's like out there, Murray? Everybody just yells and screams at each other. Nobody's civil anymore! Nobody thinks what it's like to be the other guy."

11 - " I mean, don't you have to be funny to be a comedian?"

12- "For my whole life, I didn't know if I even really existed. But I do, and people are starting to notice."

13 - "I think I felt better when I was locked up in the hospital."

14 - "Everybody is awful these days. It's enough to make anyone crazy. If it was me dying on the sidewalk, you'd walk right over me. I pass you everyday and you don't notice me!"

15 - "I know it seems strange, I don't meant make you uncomfortable, I don't know why everyone is so rude, I don't know why you are; I don't want anything from you. Maybe a little warmth, maybe a hug dad, may be a bit of common decency!"

Clever or Demeaning Advertising

Is it the cleverest advertising for travel to Agra, India to see Taj Mahal?

Pawn Shop

When there are too many genders 

and ,

You want to be clear ....

- Dick Owner 

Vaccinated T-shirt

Cool Vaccine Women Tshirt,

Vaxxed

Waxed

And Ready 

To Climax