Saturday, February 9
Thursday, February 7
Wednesday, January 30
Thursday, January 10
Story time: One day a man decided to retire...
He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and
proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.
He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.
After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.
In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"
She replies, "I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my fishing boat sank." "Amazing," he notes. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you."
"Oh, this ole thing?" explains the woman. " I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides and stern came from an Eucalyptus tree."
"But, where did you get the tools?"
"Oh, that was no problem," replied the
woman. " On the south side of the island, a very
unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in a volcanic vent I found just down island, it melted into ductile iron and I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware."
The guy is stunned.
"Let's row over to my place," she says "and I'll give you a tour." So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small hand built wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is a long stone walk leading to a cabin and tree house.
While the woman ties up the rowboat with an
expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, It's not much, but I call it home.
Please sit down." "Would you like a drink?"
"No! No thank you," the man blurts out, still dazed. "I can't take another drop of coconut juice."
"Oh, it's not coconut juice," winks the woman. "I have a still. How would you like a Jack Daniels neat?" Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There's a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs."
No longer questioning anything, the man goes
upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.
"This woman is amazing," he muses. "What's next?"
When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but a bandana around her blonde locks and some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned. She smelled faintly of coconut oil. She then beckons for him to sit down next to her.
"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering
closer to him, "We've both been out here for many
months. You must have been lonely. When was the last time you had a really good ride?"
She stares into his eyes.
He can't believe what he's hearing.
"You mean..." he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes,
"You've built a Motorcycle too ?"🤣
Tuesday, January 8
Sunday, January 6
Quote by Ann Landers....
If you can start the day without caffeine,
if you can get going without pep pills,
if you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,
if you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,
if you can conquer tension without medical help,
if you can relax without liquor,
if you can sleep without the aid of drugs,
if you can say honestly that deep in your heart you have no prejudice against creed, color, religion, or politics . . . . .
Then you are almost as good as your dog.
Thursday, January 3
Here's a tongue in cheek article a friend sent me. I hope it doesn't offend anyone but I thought it was pretty humorous because it hits close on the main emphasis of that particular Faith.
If you don't think so, it could be your knowledge of the different Faiths covered here is either too limited or too extensive!
Capitalism - He who dies with the most toys, wins.
Hari Krishna - He who plays with the most toys, wins.
Catholicism - He who denies himself the most toys, wins.
Orthodox Judaism - Our toys are the only Kosher toys.
Greek Orthodox - They were our toys first.
Messianic Judaism - No, they were OURS first.
Russian Orthodox - Our toys are the only legally correct toys.
Branch Davidians - He who dies playing with the biggest toys, wins.
Atheism - There is no toy maker.
Polytheism - There are many toy makers.
Evolutionism - The toys made themselves from less complicated models.
Paganism - Every tree is a toy.
Church of Scientology - Toys are us.
Communism - Everyone gets the same number of toys, and you go straight to hell if we catch you selling yours.
B'Hai - All toys are just fine with us.
TM - Your toys are your just desserts.
Amish - Toys with batteries are surely a sin.
Taoism - The doll is as important as the dump truck.
Mormonism - Every boy can have as many toys as he wants.
Voodoo - Let me borrow that doll for a second.
Hedonism - To heck with the rule book!? Let's play!
Hinduism - He who plays with bags of plastic farm animals, loses.
Presbyterian - My toys were custom made for me by the Toy Maker.
Evangelical Free - Would you like to play with some of my toys?
Full Gospel - Everyone who has a toy raise your hands and shout.
7th Day Adventist - He who plays with his toys on Saturday loses.
Heaven's Gate - There is no toy like a comet. It's to die for.
Church of Christ - He whose toys make music, loses.
Christian Church in America - Ours are not the only toys, but they are OUR TOYS ONLY!
Disciples of Christ - When we all get to toy land, what a day of play that will be.
Baptist - Once played, always played.
The Family - Toy, joy, toy, joy, toy. The best toy is a rainbow. (I take this as a compliment! It shows the emphasis the Family puts on using music to get out the Message, the Heavenly vision and eternal non-material values.)
Separatist Baptist - He that hath a sixteenth century toy hath righteousness.
Family of God - I got toys. You got toys? All God's children got toys.
Jehovah's Witnesses - He who sells the most toys door-to-door, wins.
Pentecostalism - He whose toys can talk, wins.
Charismaticism - Talk! Big deal. Our toys laugh and fall down!
Dutch Reformed - Toys? You mean this is supposed to be fun?
Brethren - Whatever else you do, keep your toys out of sight.
Faith Movement - If you ask for a new toy and don't get it, it is your fault.
Methodist - Now which toy do we play with this week?
Existentialism - Toys are a figment of your imagination.
Confucianism - Once a toy is dipped in the water, it is no longer dry.
Episcopalian - Once a toy is sprinkled with water it wins.
United Pentecostal - Not wet enough and only our toys have the right label.
Third Wave - Our toys dance and sing the coolest songs!
Toronto Blessing - Pull our toys strings and they bark and laugh uncontrollably.
Non-denominationalism - We don't care where the toys came from, let's all just play with them.
Agnosticism - It is not possible to know whether toys make a bit of difference.
Unitarianism - Oh the joy of any toy, or not.
New Age - Angels are the most fashionable toys and crystal is really cool.
Abraham Forum Messianic- Your toys are syncretistic pagan idols, soaked in anti-semetic evil. My toys are rich in righteous tradition and entirely acceptable to the Toy Maker.
Abraham Forum Christian - Your toys are but ancient shadows of reality. My toys are straight from the Toymaker's workbench.
GOD - "Grow up children! Just take my son Jesus, stop playing and get to work!"
Friday, December 7
A Professor started his class on a very serious Topic. The moment he turned towards the blackboard, one of the students whistled. He turned, looked at the class and asked the Whistler's name. No one answered.
The Professor peacefully kept the chalk on the table saying: "Lecture ends here. I'll tell you a story to utilise the remaining time".
Everyone became interested.
"Yesterday night I tried hard to sleep, but it was miles away from my eyes, so I thought I'd better get petrol in my car, which will save my time next morning and might induce sleep. After having my tank full, I started roaming in that area, enjoying the peace of a traffic free ride.
Suddenly, on the corner I saw a girl who was as young and beautiful as the clothes she was wearing. Must have been returning from a party. Out of courtesy, I turned my car towards her and asked if I may be of any help. She asked me if I could drop her to her home, she'll be very obliged, to which I agreed.
She sat in the front seat with me. We started talking, and to my amazement she was very intelligent, had control on many topics which many youngsters don't.
When we reached her address, she admitted my courteous nature and behavior and accepted that she had fallen in love with me.
I also admitted her intelligence and beauty and that I've also started liking her. I told her about my job as a professor in the university.
The girl asked my number, which I gave her willingly. Then she asked me a favor, to which i couldn't have denied naturally.
She said that her brother is a student in the same university, and asked me to take care of him, since we'll be in a long relationship now.
I asked the name of the student. She said that I'll recognise him with one of his very prominent quality, *He whistles a lot!*
All eyes in the classroom turned towards the boy who had whistled.
The professor said: "I didn't buy my Ph. D in Psychology.. I earned it"😉
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