Low Budget Advertising Technique

Advertising Jewellery on a low budget! 

Chinese Medicine for Terrorism

Talking to Alexa

Americans : Alexa, where's my key?

English : Alexa, set alarm.

Indians : Alexa say, "Kaccha papad, Pakka Papad" 10 times.

Food to Eat your Shape

Funny food shapely!

Pig Bites Girl on Beach

A groups of pigs chase this girl on beach. She shows her bum with pig bites.

Body Tattoo

Beware of Childhood tattoo 

60 seconds of Web

Look what happens in each 60 seconds on the Internet 

Propaganda Forwarders

Who are forwarders of propaganda materials on social media ?

Single n Happy Valentine

Being happy as Single Malt! 

Deadly Combination

Good sense of humour,

Dirty mind,

and 

Beautiful Heart 

Make a Deadly Combination

Valentine Motivations

The Valentine Week starts tomorrow !! 

So ...

HOW'S THE JOSH ??

Married Sir

 🤕🤐

Msg from Schools, Colleges & Institutes 

Dear Parents, 

We don't have any extra classes on 14th February. 

Regards

🤣🤣🤣

Stop.Done. (Motivational quote!)

Motivational Sunny Quote.

when to stop?

Experts of Climate Change

1500 flights burning fuel to Davos to lecture on Climate Change (sic)

Story: Island of Retirement

Story time: One day a man decided to retire...

He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and

proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.

He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"

She replies, "I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my fishing boat sank." "Amazing," he notes. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you."

"Oh, this ole thing?" explains the woman. " I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides and stern came from an Eucalyptus tree."

"But, where did you get the tools?"

"Oh, that was no problem," replied the

woman. " On the south side of the island, a very

unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in a volcanic vent I found just down island, it melted into ductile iron and I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware."

The guy is stunned.

"Let's row over to my place," she says "and I'll give you a tour." So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small hand built wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is a long stone walk leading to a cabin and tree house.

While the woman ties up the rowboat with an

expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, It's not much, but I call it home.

Please sit down." "Would you like a drink?"

"No! No thank you," the man blurts out, still dazed. "I can't take another drop of coconut juice."

"Oh, it's not coconut juice," winks the woman. "I have a still. How would you like a Jack Daniels neat?" Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There's a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs."

No longer questioning anything, the man goes

upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.

"This woman is amazing," he muses. "What's next?"

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but a bandana around her blonde locks and some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned. She smelled faintly of coconut oil. She then beckons for him to sit down next to her.

"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering

closer to him, "We've both been out here for many

months. You must have been lonely. When was the last time you had a really good ride?"

She stares into his eyes.

He can't believe what he's hearing.

"You mean..." he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes,

"You've built a Motorcycle too ?"🤣

Typical Conference Calls In Corporates

Typical Conf. Calls In Corporates:

Caller1: Hi, this is George from Sales.

*Silence* All waiting others to Join

Caller2: Hi, this is Malvin from Marketing.

Dog's life quote

Quote by Ann Landers....

If you can start the day without caffeine,

 if you can get going without pep pills,

 if you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles, 

if you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,

 if you can conquer tension without medical help,

 if you can relax without liquor, 

if you can sleep without the aid of drugs, 

if you can say honestly that deep in your heart you have no prejudice against creed, color, religion, or politics . . . . . 

… 

.

.

.

.

Then you are almost as good as your dog.

😎🐶

Faithful Humor

Here's a tongue in cheek article a friend sent me. I hope it doesn't offend anyone but I thought it was pretty humorous because it hits close on the main emphasis of that particular Faith. 

If you don't think so, it could be your knowledge of the different Faiths covered here is either too limited or too extensive!

Capitalism - He who dies with the most toys, wins.

Hari Krishna - He who plays with the most toys, wins.

Catholicism - He who denies himself the most toys, wins.

Orthodox Judaism - Our toys are the only Kosher toys.

Greek Orthodox - They were our toys first.

Messianic Judaism - No, they were OURS first.

Russian Orthodox - Our toys are the only legally correct toys.

Branch Davidians - He who dies playing with the biggest toys, wins.

Atheism - There is no toy maker.

Polytheism - There are many toy makers.

Evolutionism - The toys made themselves from less complicated models.

Paganism - Every tree is a toy.

Church of Scientology - Toys are us.

Communism - Everyone gets the same number of toys, and you go straight to hell if we catch you selling yours.

B'Hai - All toys are just fine with us.

TM - Your toys are your just desserts.

Amish - Toys with batteries are surely a sin.

Taoism - The doll is as important as the dump truck.

Mormonism - Every boy can have as many toys as he wants.

Voodoo - Let me borrow that doll for a second.

Hedonism - To heck with the rule book!? Let's play!

Hinduism - He who plays with bags of plastic farm animals, loses.

Presbyterian - My toys were custom made for me by the Toy Maker.

Evangelical Free - Would you like to play with some of my toys?

Full Gospel - Everyone who has a toy raise your hands and shout.

7th Day Adventist - He who plays with his toys on Saturday loses.

Heaven's Gate - There is no toy like a comet. It's to die for.

Church of Christ - He whose toys make music, loses.

Christian Church in America - Ours are not the only toys, but they are OUR TOYS ONLY!

Disciples of Christ - When we all get to toy land, what a day of play that will be.

Baptist - Once played, always played.

The Family - Toy, joy, toy, joy, toy. The best toy is a rainbow. (I take this as a compliment! It shows the emphasis the Family puts on using music to get out the Message, the Heavenly vision and eternal non-material values.)

Separatist Baptist - He that hath a sixteenth century toy hath righteousness.

Family of God - I got toys. You got toys? All God's children got toys.

Jehovah's Witnesses - He who sells the most toys door-to-door, wins.

Pentecostalism - He whose toys can talk, wins.

Charismaticism - Talk! Big deal. Our toys laugh and fall down!

Dutch Reformed - Toys? You mean this is supposed to be fun?

Brethren - Whatever else you do, keep your toys out of sight.

Faith Movement - If you ask for a new toy and don't get it, it is your fault.

Methodist - Now which toy do we play with this week?

Existentialism - Toys are a figment of your imagination.

Confucianism - Once a toy is dipped in the water, it is no longer dry.

Episcopalian - Once a toy is sprinkled with water it wins.

United Pentecostal - Not wet enough and only our toys have the right label.

Third Wave - Our toys dance and sing the coolest songs!

Toronto Blessing - Pull our toys strings and they bark and laugh uncontrollably.

Non-denominationalism - We don't care where the toys came from, let's all just play with them.

Agnosticism - It is not possible to know whether toys make a bit of difference.

Unitarianism - Oh the joy of any toy, or not.

New Age - Angels are the most fashionable toys and crystal is really cool.

Abraham Forum Messianic- Your toys are syncretistic pagan idols, soaked in anti-semetic evil. My toys are rich in righteous tradition and entirely acceptable to the Toy Maker.

Abraham Forum Christian - Your toys are but ancient shadows of reality. My toys are straight from the Toymaker's workbench.

GOD - "Grow up children! Just take my son Jesus, stop playing and get to work!"

The Whistler

A Professor started his class on a very serious Topic. The moment he turned towards the blackboard, one of the students whistled. He turned, looked at the class and asked the Whistler's name. No one answered.

The Professor peacefully kept the chalk on the table saying: "Lecture ends here. I'll tell you a story to utilise the remaining time".

Everyone became interested.

"Yesterday night I tried hard to sleep, but it was miles away from my eyes, so I thought I'd better get petrol in my car, which will save my time next morning and might induce sleep. After having my tank full, I started roaming in that area, enjoying the peace of a traffic free ride. 

Suddenly, on the corner I saw a girl who was as young and beautiful as the clothes she was wearing. Must have been returning from a party. Out of courtesy, I turned my car towards her and asked if I may be of any help. She asked me if I could drop her to her home, she'll be very obliged, to which I agreed.

She sat in the front seat with me. We started talking, and to my amazement she was very intelligent, had control on many topics which many youngsters don't. 

When we reached her address, she admitted my courteous nature and behavior and accepted that she had fallen in love with me. 

I also admitted her intelligence and beauty and that I've also started liking her. I told her about my job as a professor in the university.

The girl asked my number, which I gave her willingly. Then she asked me a favor, to which i couldn't have denied naturally.

She said that her brother is a student in the same university, and asked me to take care of him, since we'll be in a long relationship now.

I asked the name of the student. She said that I'll recognise him with one of his very prominent quality, *He whistles a lot!*

All eyes in the classroom turned towards the boy who had whistled.

The professor said:  "I didn't buy my Ph. D in Psychology.. I earned it"😉

Russian Connection!

Talk about ties with Russians under oath!

Deadly Combination

Good sense of humour, 

Dirty mind 

And 

A beautiful heart!

Killer Instinct

When your woman pulls out a knife during an arguement,

Place a bread and butter

Bob Marley problem of people

Real is hated but fake is loved! Why?

Inappropriate Quote

Just Bragging About...

Pitstop

Brake Warning!

Wife Rocks Good Old Times of Husband!!

HUSBAND in a good mood.... 

"Darling, remember 25 years ago I had a rented one room apartment, a table fan, a black&white television and a bicycle to use. But, at night I used to sleep besides a 25 year old beautiful girl. 

Now I own a luxurious centrally air conditioned penthouse, 4 LED big screen televisions and a limousine but 

I sleep with a 50 year old woman..."

WIFE: "Do not worry darling. Just find yourself a 25 year old beautiful woman and I will make sure that you go back to a rented one room apartment, 

a table fan, a black and white television and a bicycle in no time....!!"

😜😝😜

Women always rock !!!👍👍👍

Weakest Part of a Car?

What is the weakest part of a car?

Friends' Warning

Warning to all those friends who don't drink or smoke .....

Funny n Strange Toilets

Funny Different types of Strange Toilets

The Perfect ;-) Cabbie Guy - Brian Sullivan

This one is toooooo good. ..

😂😂😂

A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like Brian"  

Passenger: "Who?"  

Cabbie: "Brian Sullivan. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Brian every single time."  

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."  

Cabbie: "Not Brian. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."  

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."  

Cabbie: "There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse and the whole street blacks out. But Brian, he could do everything right."  

Passenger: "Wow. Some guy then."  

Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Brian, he never made a mistake and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Brian Sullivan."  

Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"  

Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Brian. He died. I'm married to his bloody widow."

😂😂😂

Did I read that sign right?

*Did I read that sign right?*

In an office:

*TOILET OUT OF ORDER...... PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW*

In a Laundromat:

*AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT*

In a London department store:

*BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS*

In an office:

*WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN*

In an office:

*AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD*

Outside a secondhand shop:

*WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?*

Notice in health food shop window:

*CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS*

Spotted in a safari park:

*ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR*

Seen during a conference:

*FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR*

Notice in a farmer's field:

*THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES*.

On a repair shop door:

*WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)*

😄😄😄

Proof of Innocence

Lawyer: "To prove my client's innocence, I would like to present my client's internet search history from that evening."

Accused: "My Lord, I would rather confess to the murder"

You having Bad Day at Work! Read on...

If you don't laugh out loud after you read this you are in a coma! This is even funnier when you realize it's real! Next time you have a bad day at work think of this guy.

Bob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to radio station 103.5 on FM dial in Indiana, who was sponsoring a worst job experience contest. Needless to say, she won. Read his letter below...

THE first Motorcycle Rider!

Old testament says about Roar of Moses 'triumph'

;-)

Funny Office Sticky Notes

Purple marker missing!

Please return it ASAP

NO!!

Wisest Men's Nonsense

A little nonsense

Here and there 

Is Cherished by the Wise Men

Hardships in love!

Beware of tight Jeans fashion! Adhere to proper dress code.. ;-)

European Holiday Washroom Reality

During holidays in europe , whom did he miss more, girlfriend or the hand  Faucet !?

Rest your Mobile phones

Give your cell some rest....why? 

A Guy gets out of lift on 7th floor instead of 9th floor.

He says - I was so busy checking messages on my whatsapp...without realising, I went into the neighbour's house and sat on their sofa.  

The  lady of the house was glued to the TV... watching serials...She gave me tea without looking at me. 

When I started drinking Tea, I looked up and saw the lady's husband entering the house....looking into his mobile.  

He saw me and said, "sorry" and went out of the house !!!

😂😂😂😂😂

Wait a minute Sharky!

Let me post my selfie first ..

Educated Father's Savage Response

This is savage! 

My dad used to put his thumb impression on my mark sheet.

I asked him: Being a Chartered Accountant, why are you putting your thumb impression, instead of signing on my progress card?

My dad replied: Idiot, after looking at your marks, the teacher should not think that I am educated....

😂😂

Dirty Kids teach you..

That at the end of day ...Be happy

Lounge Menu Question

Should we drink tonite? ;-)

Sky high Lady

Beautiful lady inside airplane asked the man for help to remove his eyes off her breasts!

Sky high classroom!

My Engagement Photo

Now that's how you take Engagement pictures!

Satisfying Billboard

Satisfaction guarranteed ! 

Oh yes, every morning at the signal.

Hallelujah

They know that it's all water after all.

Urdu quote

A great poet once said.... 

Risk to Success quote

Take the Risk or Lose

Father's caring Son

5 year old son.....after reading story of a king.....

Son:......Mom, I also want 3 wives.....one will cook, one will sing, one will bathe me.......

Mom:....And which one will put you to sleep

Son:..No mom, i will still sleep with you....Mom's eyes filled up with tears ... God bless you son

Mom:...but who will sleep with your  3 wives

Son:....Let them sleep with daddy...

Daddy's eyes filled up with tears... God bless you son ! 😂😆

*Happy Father's Day!*

First game Closing ceremony of Football World Cup 2018

Saudi Arabia player after the world cup match against Russia... ;-)

VIP Lane Signboard!

Special lane ;-)

Age is just a number...Oldies dance n health

Senior shows his dancing skills and fitness and zest for life at his age

Oldies Advice for Sickness

When do you drink water!!??

Positive Attitude n Thinking in Difficult Times

Doctor : Your Liver is enlarged.
Patient : Does that mean it has space for more whisky ?
(This is called "Positive Thinking" 😄😄)

Lady to her dietician : What l am worried about is my height and not my weight.
Doc : How come???
Lady : According to my weight, my height should be 7.8 feet... 😜
(Now this is called "Positive Attitude" 👍)

A Man wrote to the bank, "My Cheque was returned with remark 'Insufficient funds'. I want to know whether it refers to mine or the Bank".
(This is self confidence in its peak 😂😂)

This one is classic !!
A cockroach's last words to a man who wanted to kill it : "Go ahead and kill me, you coward. You're just jealous because I can scare your wife and you cannot..!!!!" 😅😅😅

Always be positive even in difficult situations

Suffering from Alzheimer’s?

Suffering from Alzheimer's (memory loss) ? 👇🏻

Anti-theft Beer Bag

Skin colored belly beer strapon travel body bag to hide or carry

Self-declaration Cap - Pervert

Name Caps with Adjectives,
people tell more about themselves in single words on their head

Product Advertisement Placement

Durex does it again

How many human politicians?

Quote:

Politicians are like sperm.
One in a million turns out to be a human being.

Hilarious Advertisement Billboard Placements

Funny but uniquely good placement of Male pill advertising billboard on a bus!

Like a Benz

Beauty has its price!

Blonde Girl Hugs on Road

This guy surprised and happy to see a beautiful girl coming towards him with open arms for a hug!