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Sunday, June 27

English Vagaries

Vagaries of English Language! Enjoy!!!😀😀😀

- Wonder why the word funeral starts with FUN?

-Why isn't a Fireman called a Water-man?

- How come Lipstick doesn't do what it says?

- If money doesn't grow on trees, how come Banks have Branches?

- If a Vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a Humanitarian eat?

- How do you get off a non-stop Flight?

- Why are goods sent by ship called CARGO and those sent by truck SHIPMENT?

- Why do we put cups in the dishwasher and the dishes in the Cupboard?

- Why do doctors 'practice' medicine? Are they having practice at the cost of the patients?

- Why is it called 'Rush Hour' when traffic moves at its slowest then?

- How come Noses run and Feet smell?

- Why do they call it a TV 'set' when there is only one?

- What are you vacating when you go on a vacation?

We can never find the answers, can we?

So just enjoy the pun and fun of the English language!!

Friday, June 25

Liberal Leftists' Rightist Son

I asked my friend's son what he wanted to be when he grows up. He said he wanted to be Prime Minister some day.

Both of his parents, LIBERAL LEFTISTS, were standing there, so I asked him, 'If you were Prime Minister, what would be the first thing you would do?'

He replied, 'I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.' His parents beamed with pride.

'Wow...what a worthy goal.' I told him. 'But you don't have to wait until you're Prime Minister to do that. You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and sweep my yard, and I'll pay you Rs.500. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the same 500 rupee note for food and new set of clothes .'

He thought that over for a few seconds, then he looked me straight in the eyes and asked, ' Why doesn't the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him Rs.500?'

I said, 'Welcome to the RIGHTIST fold.'

His parents still aren't speaking to me.

(Author Unknown)

Dedicated to all those who think distributing freebies is kindness.

Tuesday, June 22

Late for Appointment at Gynecologist

A gynecologist waits on his last patient, who does not arrive.

After an hour, he makes a gin and tonic to relax.  After he settles into an armchair to read the newspaper, he hears the doorbell ring.

It's the patient, who arrives all embarrassed and apologizes for the delay.

"It doesn't matter," answers the doctor.  "Look, I was having a gin and tonic while waiting. Do you want one to help you relax?"

"I accept, thanks!" She answers.  

He gives her a drink, sits down in front of her and they start talking. Suddenly someone is heard opening the entrance office door.

The doctor looks worried, gets up and says: 
"My wife! Quick, take off your clothes and spread your legs, otherwise she might think there is some nonsense going on!"

😋😂😉😀

Monday, June 21

Today's School

They Said No Phone Inside the School
Today School is Inside the Phone

Dad for Life

No recall vote for Impeachment, 
Father's constitution is written for Life (with help from mother) 
;-)

Saturday, June 19

Happy Father's Day

the first teacher 
the best Papa / Bapu / Abba / Dad
Happy Father's Day

Friday, June 18

New Boyfriend's Jet

My Ex was over the cloud with the new Man in her life.
"He said he had a Private Jet"

Tuesday, June 15

Ecstasy

Back and forth. . . in and out. . .in and out . . .a little to the right. . . a little to the left . . . she could feel the sweat on her forehead . . . between her breasts. . .
and, trickling down the small of her back. . . she was getting near to the end.

He was in ecstasy. . .
with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved. . .
forwards then backwards. . .
forward then backward. . .
again. . .
and again. . .
her heart was pounding now. . .
her face was flushed . . .
she moaned softly at first, then began to groan louder . . .
finally . . .
totally exhausted . . .
she let out a piercing scream . . . . .

"OK, OK, you smug bastard, I can't parallel park.  You do it!"